Russian Roulette
by The Fallen Angel Of Pain
Summary: PROMPT FILL - The Guardians and Pitch switch powers. Coming to the terms of their deformed selves, they must now figure out how to keep the belief flowing, all the while the Balance is tipping and the Guardians, Pitch and spirits of the world are in for a lot more than they expected. Not to mention the ups and downs of their crazy adventures.
1. I Thought It Was Bad But It Was Worse

*** If you want to jump straight to the action, see Chapter 6 *  
**

**Disclaimer: don't own anything, all goes to its rightful owner, William Joyce and DreamWorks.**

**Hope you enjoy, and thanks to Sumi-sprite for giving me the green light on her prompt! :D**

Pairing: N/A (will change)  
Genre: Humor, Parody  
Rating: T (for swearing, no smut)  
Word Count: 3,824

Chapter 1 - I Thought It Was Bad... But It Was Worse

**Writer's P.O.V.**

* * *

Cold. That was the first thing Pitch could feel.

But that was not really surprising; it was always cold in his lair. But this cold was... different. It didn't feel right, because it usually didn't bother him. The darkness was in fact a cold place - cold and dark go hand in hand after all, which he was not so eager to remember since his last failure by the hands of those _blasted_ Guardians.

Though it had taken him some time before he got used to the cold, which resulted in a few blankets being burned after a nasty sickness he got. He had scattered the ashes too, just in case someone decided to go through his trash. Again.

But the cold this time actually _did_ bother him. It bit at his cheeks and sent shivers through his skin beneath the clothes he was wearing. He was perplexed. Why in the ever sweet darkness would the cold bother him? Maybe it was because of the floor he was laying on...

Wait. Floor? What the hell is he doing on the floor!?

Pitch's eyes weakly fluttered open, due to his whole body pulsing from exhaustion for no clear reason. Gathering his strength to stop his eyes twitching, he slowly took in his surroundings. The first thing he saw was the darkness, all around him. He lazily glanced around. It was some sort of cavern, though he couldn't really tell much, only from the stony floor he was laying on. There seems to be no light, nor an exit.

Or an entrance for that matter.

Maybe there would be something if he turned to his left. If only not for the fact that he would rather rot himself in this cavern than roll over, especially on the floor. _Even_ if there was a two-tone rock above him, threatening to end his life.

The darkness around him kept quiet, no writhing shadows or whining nightmares at the back of his mind.

_Where are the Fearling whispers?,_ Pitch weakly thought. Come to think about it, he could barely see through the darkness now. Yet still, he stayed down, too exhausted and weak to move even for the sake of his curiosity...

Why was he on the floor again?

* * *

_Damn._ It was all Jack could think of. He didn't know how, where or why. But he still knew he never should have done what he had done.

He messed up _bad._

He didn't know that the spell book, the one North specifically told him 'not to touch!', could actually _work_! He just wanted to have some harmless fun, and would you just look at where it had brought him;

In a cold cavern that was who knows where, with a mind messed up who knows how, and a sore back from laying on the floor that he honestly didn't want to know what looked like - sure didn't feel like a clean one - and his friends were nowhere to be seen.

Now Jack knew he was gonna be in _so much_ trouble when he got back, he was anticipating the punishment even before he touched the damn book. Yet now,he was thinking of visiting Jamie... and Pippa and Monty... Not to mention Claude and Caleb... Sophie must be feeling really lonely-

Jack sighed. _No, no. I must go ahead and face my fellow Guardians. It can't be that bad_...

_You know, Himalayas sound nice._

There were various of sighs throughout the cavern. Jack went rigid. _No_, he frantically thought, _no no no-_

But he soon realized that the sighs were more exhausted than annoyed, so he let himself relax just the slightest. It was at least a good start.

_''So the lengthy lecture won't start right away, very promising.''_

Jack violently jerked at the sound of unknown voices.

_What the hell were those?_ he thought in surprise, his eyes rolling behind his closed eyelids in apprehension. He still hadn't found the strength to open them. Or perhaps they were open, but it was too dark to tell.

Those voice were definitely not his.

But even when he kept listening, he heard nothing else. Nearly five minutes passed. Nothing.

After somehow convincing himself that the voices were just his imagination, Jack stuck his hands out and put them to the floor, lifting his head from the floor. His head actually felt clear instead of foggy. He then gathered all the will power he had in him and pushed himself up by his hands, standing on his own with both legs beneath him and his hands in front of him to keep the balance. His knees shook beneath him, but he didn't fall.

He felt his eyes open, and gaze at the half-dark cave.

''Guys,'' he whispered, hoping that in whatever state the Guardians are into- state_ he_ got them into- that they were okay. But no one answered his whisper.

''Guys,'' he called a little louder this time, a bit of fear suddenly catching up to him. He would never forgive himself if somehow and someway managed to screw up his first attempt at a-

''Hey, is everyone al'right?'' an Australian accent asked, Jack's head turning around to be greeted with a very annoyed spirit of Hope. Bunny rubbed his eyes sleepily with one hand, while yawning into his other.

If there was a time when Jack could practically scream from relief, it was now, seeing the forms of his friends behind Bunny, all standing normally though he could see the slight shaking of their knees and hear the shaking of their breaths.

The Guardians gathered around Jack, all four of them, each of them blinking rapidly in a dazed way. The way they gathered around him was unsettling to Jack, with wide distances between each other and keeping their gazes only on him. He couldn't make out the details of his friends, but he was certain they weren't harmed all that bad at the very least.

''Where are we?'' Tooth innocently asked, running a hand over her head. Jack took another minute to let the question sink in.

_If they don't know where they are, then they don't know how they got here. And if they don't know how they got here, then they don't know why they were here. And if they don't know THAT, then they don't know it was me who got them here, _Jack thought things through.

Usually, he wasn't the one to do this kind of thing -trying to turn the situation in his favor- but somehow it seemed so normal and natural. It would have creeped him out if he weren't so dazed. Besides, lectures appealed to no one. They were boring, annoying and they do nothing for your childish personality.

_So they are confused and disoriented_, Jack finally thought.

''I don't know,'' Jack truthfully answered, at least not lying, ''But look, there's an exit above us.'' Jack nodded toward the obvious exit.

A wave of exhaustion suddenly washed over him, and he rubbed his forehead. _I guess I was no exception to the spell, _ he thought. Jack glanced at his surroundings. It wasn't really that dark, but he instantly felt so weak and his mind felt so foggy that it made things harder to focus on. His friends looked like unfathomable shapes which made no sense, so he only knew they were there because he either heard their breathing or felt their warmth radiate from their bodies.

The cave they were in was big enough to host a hundred spirits at once, with room to spare. There were various of exists that probably lead to the other parts of the cave, all tangled in a system of its own. A few big rocks were scattered along the floor, and thousands of small pebbles littered the damp and wet floor. A few puddles could be found here and there. The place would have freaked out anyone.

''Where?'' North asked Jack, who was already deep in thought, ''I do not see anything?''

_What?_ Jack questioned when the rest of his fellow Guardians looked up and squinted their eyes.

''Okay, enough of this!'' Bunny suddenly exclaimed, startling everyone by the crazed look on his face. Well, at least startling Jack. Because he looked like someone ate his carrots and smashed his googies to make an omlette.

''What are we bloody doing here!? Where in hell is 'here' anyway!?'' _Oh no, here it comes,_ Jack thought.

_''You're so dead. Well, as dead as you can be.''_

_What the-_

''Bunny, calm_ down_. We'll figure this out!'' Tooth cut in, reaching out to comfort Bunny, like a mother would to a child. An overgrown, furry, tempered, rabbit child. The others around him also tried to show placated gestures to the Pooka, though their effort was barely seen in the dark.

Even Jack wanted to say something right then and there, but he couldn't. _Why not wait until we get home? That sounds like good idea. After a nice cup of coco, maybe a good joke_, Jack decided, nodding his head while doing so.

But deep inside him, he knew he was still so-gonna regret ever touching that spell book.

_''Completely and utterly.''_

_Who the hell are you!?_

_''__You__ really wanna know?''_

Bunny disregarded Tooth for ten full seconds; she was always tying to keep cool and calm all of them when the situation got out of hand. Especially Bunny, since he was, after all, the most _aggressive_ one. Though no one would ever admit that - They wouldn't dare.

But Bunny eventually gave in and sighed in defeat as he reached out to Tooth, taking her soft, feathered hand to at least satisfy her need to calm everyone. Sighing yet again, he ran a finger over the gentle feathers... Only for someone else to yelp and slap his hand away.

''Ahh! You perv! Watch where you put your dirty little hands!'' A few seconds passed in silence after that...

Then everyone's head snapped toward the voice.

''Pitch!''

* * *

To say the Guardians were surprised, would not be true. They were _terrified_. They just woke up in an unknown place, disoriented and weak, and their weapons and stuff were nowhere to be found. This could only mean one thing; Pitch had kidnapped them.

''You let us go, Pitch! You have gone too far!'' North bellowed, and went for his weapons with the rest of his fellow Guardians. But none of them had any weapons on them.

''Damn!'' Bunny was the only one that voiced his concern with that.

''What?'' Pitch asked, confused. _Why in heaven would they tell me to let them out. They should let _me _go__! Defeating me was one thing, kidnapping is a felony!_

''You weirdos had too much drinks last night when you got this idea! Just you wait until the spirit of Justice hears about this!''

''Justice! You kidnapping twerp, we should have you hanged for this!''

The Guardians went on and on with their insults. An endless number of insults were flying everywhere and landed on anyone that was near. Pitch kept yelling at them and pointing his finger accusingly, and the Guardians flailed their arms around in anger as they yelled back. Although, most of their effort to look intimidating was wasted, as the five of them didn't really see that well in the still darkness of the unknown cave.

No one but Jack, who seemed to suddenly take in their appearances, when looking closer.

With a loud gasp, the frost sprite clapped a hand over his mouth to stop his scream.

And while the heated argument got even more heated, above everyone's heads, the very faint light of a morning sun threatened to spill into the cave. The Guardians and Pitch were completely unaware of the situation they were in, judging by their argument turning worse and worse with each second. All but Jack, who stared in horror at the people in front of him.

''Oh, what have I done?''

Jack could do nothing as he watched the chaos unfurl in front of him, frozen to his spot - The irony wasn't lost on him.

Bunny sorta lost it, after Pitch hit his sore spot with a remark of how Christmas was better than Easter. And though Pitch only said it to piss Bunny off - there was a little truth to it.

With an astonishing amount of speed, Bunny reached out and hit Pitch in the jaw, hard. Pitch stumbled back from the impact, holding his gonna-be-bruised jaw. A furious expression suddenly replaced the surprise Pitch was feeling, and he returned the favor with a swung of his right arm, aimed at Bunny's face.

The damage was excessively hard, considering that Bunny stumbled over a small rock and hit his head against the floor, rendering him useless. Angered, North gave a war cry as he ran toward his enemy, pinpointing the location the Boogeyman was by the snarl he let out at him. He slammed his body into Pitch's; both North and Pitch went tumbling to the floor. Tooth joined them with a war cry of her own, Sandy too, but Jack didn't see the way they fought, because his eyes averted to the exit above him.

The sun was dangerously close to illuminating the entire cavern. Jack had do something. Anything!

But the rest of the Guardians and Pitch were too much into their fights, hearing their screams, spits and growls of rage, to even so much as notice what had happened.

Then he lost it.

''Stop it! All of you! Just stop it!'' the spirit of winter suddenly exclaimed out of nowhere, forehead already sweating from the nervous atmosphere they were in. ''We-!... Him!... No way-...

''Oh my heaven!''

The Guardians, excluding Bunny, seemed to hear the terror in his voice, because they stopped. Pitch stopped too (partly because he thought he sensed something close, something very familiar but unknown at the same time).

And just as Jack was about to hysterically explain why they were all here, maybe shed a tear or few to soften the Guardians' anger, the light of the morning sun conveniently shone through the exit. It illuminated the entire cave and everyone in it, including the winter spirit.

Jack could hear Bunny getting up and groaning, but he didn't see him, for the light burned his vision and he had to hiss despite himself. He also tried to back away into a nearby shelter, where there was a hint of shadows. How he knew, Jack couldn't tell. And though he would never admit it, he never felt safer when he did back away.

After a minute of complete blindness, Jack looked back at his fellow Guardians again. Only this time, they were looking at each other, examining and blinking harder than ever. And they did it a few more times... And again...

They squinted their eyes against their blurry visions and shook their head in hopes of clearing them up. The sun shone brightly, and gave a bright ring of light beneath the exit, thus lighting them all up. Sighing, the five of them looked at each other yet again, only this time, their gazes didn't avert. Something seemed to click inside their heads for a moment.

And that was the beginning of all hell breaking loose.

''AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!''

Everyone but Sandy and Jack screamed, a very long and a very loud scream that shook the entire cave. Bunny stepped away too quickly, hitting North hard in the crotch, who slipped on a patch of ice and fell on top of the not-golden Sandy, who accidentally hit Tooth as a sand bomb was released basically out of nowhere_. _The sand bomb came right at Pitch, yet he still somehow avoided it, but crashed onto the floor like the rest of the Guardians.

And Jack, his senses numb and his mind all but empty, just stood to his spot, tried hard not to think of their appearances, tapping his foot against the floor in anticipation of what was supposed to happen. He didn't even realize he was chewing his hand like a rabid dog until the Guardians started getting up from the floor.

The Guardians and Pitch squirmed and got to their legs and paws in whatever way they could, probably just as startled and terrified as Jack, if not even more so.

''Oh my god!'' Tooth screeched, both her hands in front of her body. ''Where are my feathers!?''

''What the _BLOODY HELL_! North! Why do you have my tail!?'' Bunny hopped away from the horrified North, practically bursting with confusion and surprise at his friend having his bodily belongings.

''Sandy! Why are you wearing my clothes!?'' North asked Sandy in horror, who shook his head vigorously, and pointed to Pitch.

''Pitch! You-!''

''I'm a freaken' bird! Bird! What in the _fucking_ world is this!?'' Pitch screamed at his feathered hands. Frantically, he tried to somehow, in a magic way, brush the feathers off him, merely shedding a few gray ones from his black attire.

_''Wow, now this is one hell of a party.''_

''Shut up! All of you! Just shut up!''

The Guardians briefly glanced in Jack's direction. But they were all too freaked out about themselves to linger too long on his head-clutching form.

And then, unexpectedly, everything silenced, leaving the cavern as if it never was disturbed.

* * *

Jack focused back on his friends, but they weren't panicking anymore. They all stood across from each other and panted from the exhaustion. All the while keeping their gazes on Pitch while they examined the situation. The winter spirit did too.

Across from him stood Pitch, and out of all of them he looked the most abnormal. He was covered in _feathers_! Black and white, slick and elegant, myriad of _feathers_! Everything but his hands and face was covered, making him look like a blurry and a twisted image of what Tooth would look like in black and white. He had a large -scratch that- _enormous_ pair of black iridescent wings behind him, raised up in wariness and twitching ever so slightly. A long and slim white feather adorned the middle of his head, standing out from the other black feathers. The black ones made it all kinda resemble his original hair, especially with the spikes at the end that were neatly folded and even more slicked back. He had white lines around his wrists and ankles, like Tooth's yellow ones, and wide swirls of white along his chest and back, a mockery of leaves. His back, that was half-turned to Jack, was almost the same as the back of his robe, so soft-looking and against his body that Jack actually thought it was his robe. If it were not for the same white swirls standing out, that was. His tail feathers were absolutely larger than Tooth's, like the drag of his robe, but raised above the floor like a peacock's tail. And since he was so tall, the tail went from a tightly covered bottom, to a wide feathered fan that brushed against the floor. The inside of it was as black as night.

Bunny was next to the Guardian of Fun. His fur was _white_, with unique traces of _blue snowflakes_ along his back and chest. His fur looked puffy and soft, even his ears had a bit more white fur to them. A snowman and an arctic fox would probably be jealous of him. Yet his eyes did not change color; they remained a brilliant green and stood out of his pale and white and blue appearance. And his front was covered in blue tattoes, resembling his past markings, but they were more plentiful and got lost in all the white. His nose was as pink as always, but his lips were excessively pale and almost got lost in the sheer whiteness of him.

Sandy was on Jack's left. He had only changed his colors, since he was still his usual height and had his usual plump body. He was no longer a golden color, but now he was red and white, with pink cheeks and skin tone, and even boots to add to it all. And the way the colors were scattered, it looked like North's coat... Jack honestly had thought it was North's coat, until he had seen Sandy try to pry it off himself, only to not be able to grab the colors that clung to him, unwavering.

Tooth was completely golden, to say the least. She was utterly made of dream sand, barely anything but her eyes visible, which were a bright pink, their usual color. So the frost sprite couldn't make out any features except that she had no feathers. Her cres- hair, was short and it molded with her head so that it still looked like her feathered crest, although golden and motionless. Her face had a softer shade of golden, just like Sandy used to, so he could at least make out where her face began and ended. She wasn't floating but Jack could see dream sand shifting beneath her legs and around her head, indicating she was frustrated.

North was a rabbit, all covered in fur from head to toe, and though the colors he had remained, he had large paws and everything, even ears. And he was THIN! There was no fat on him, just pure muscle, Jack could tell at least from the fur on his broad shoulders. He also wore something akin to a kilt... It took the Guardian of Fun some time to realize that those were his usual pants, but were somehow ripped to resemble a dress...

''Oh my GOD! What has happened to us!'' And just as soon as the thought left his mouth, everything started out again.

''We're doomed!''

''This is a nightmare!''

''What are we gonna do!''

''We're all gonna die!''

Panic and hysteria took over the Guardians and Pitch, pride and dignity forgotten as everyone let out their fear, anger and frustration in their own way.

Jack just watched, and lost all courage to admit his prank had gone too far to be a prank anymore.


	2. The Great Escape

**Enjoy!  
**

Pairing: N/A (will change)  
Genre: Humor, Parody  
Rating: T (for swearing, no smut)  
Word Count: 3, 278

Chapter 2 - The Great Escape

* * *

It had taken an eternity before everyone calmed down, to the point when they no longer tried to break things or themselves. Yet still, any spirit could see the obvious shaking and the haunted eyes shifting back and forward. Jack was the first one to speak, and even then, he whispered with his voice shaking.

''Somehow, someway''-the realization was nearly too unbearable to say out loud-''we had switched powers.''

''No shit, Sherlock!'' Pitch yelled, his iridescent wings flapping against each other in a flurry of movement, but not working as they should. And to add to emphasis, Pitch stared at them like they came from another planet. Well, they probably did, Jack didn't quite remember the story Tooth told him of her origin. If she had told him at all.

The Guardians didn't hold back their silent gasps when they heard Jack's statement. I mean, they knew. After all, Tooth looked like a cream puff, Bunny a snow rodent, North a furry rodent, Pitch a tutu fairy and Jack... they couldn't even think about their youngest member's appearance, looking like a badass fearling of Pitch's. And hearing the statement, which they all knew, out loud was another thing, coming from the mouth of the Guardian of Fun himself. They took a full minute to let this realization sink in.

Pitch's crest ruffled without control while all the Guardians tried to think clearly, and he clapped both his hands over it to stop. But the main white feather kept popping back up, while the others went in different directions. It was more than frustrating for the Boogeyman.

Then the Guardians simply dropped flat on their behinds, out of frustration that they came to this kind of situation without even knowing so. Unlike Pitch... who slammed his head into the nearby wall. His feathers never stopped their wild dance.

''How did this happen?'' he asked the Guardians in front of him, with a low dangerous voice. He lifted his eyes to them, freaking the Guardians out by the anger on his face. None of them would ever admit that they looked around the cave to see if they could preform a quick escape.

After not getting any answers, Pitch bent down and picked up a rock. He swung his arm and threw the rock at them, purely out of a childish tantrum.

The rock hit Sandy in the head, and he fell on his back from the impact. The Guardian of Dreams found himself fuming with rage and was about to get up to teach Pitch a very violent lesson... when he realized he couldn't.

He rolled and rolled on the floor, tried to jump up, tried to push himself up by his hands, he even tried to climb using the wall, but - he still couldn't. He didn't have his dream sand and now he couldn't get up.

_Great,_ the dream weaver thought miserably, laying on his back on the floor.

The Guardians exchanged glances, somehow ignoring what Pitch had just done, then all their eyes settled upon Jack.

''What? You think I did this?'' Jack asked with offense, pointing to himself, still hid in the shadows. Everyone had their eyes adjusted to the dark already though, and the circle of light they were in illuminated Jack a bit more, despite his hiding place. The Guardians yet again exchanged glances, nodding more vigorously this time at the winter sprite.

''Okay, fine... I did it.''

The Guardians gasped.

''Seriously?'' Jack asked incredulously.

*smack*

''Owwiiiee!'' Jack exclaimed, hands reaching out to hold his head which started to throb in pain. Above him stood a very annoyed fairy with a palm extended for another hit.

''Okay, okay,'' Tooth said, instantly getting between the two bitter enemies, ''No need to get physical.''

''Watch me,'' Pitch said.

''Jack, how did you do it?'' Tooth asked before Pitch could hit him again.

''Do what?'' Jack dumbly asked.

*smack* *punch* *hit*

''Tooth!'' Pitch grabbed the furious woman of sand, and yelled, ''We need him alive!'' All the while Jack sat on the ground and tried to somehow squirm away from the raging Guardian of Dreams.

''Give me back my feathers!'' Tooth angrily screeched at Jack, who stared at her in horror, thinking; _What is happening!?_

''Umm, Tooth,'' Bunny tried to say, stuttering a bit.

Tooth stopped her unexpected attack, and looked at Bunny in puzzlement.

''Yeah?'' she said, normally enough.

''Are you okay?'' he asked her, looking to his fellow Guardians to point out Tooth's behavior.

''What do you mean 'am I okay'?'' she asked in offense, slumping in Boogeyman's arms and crossing her own over her chest.

Bunny looked to North in hope. North turned his head away and pretended he was sniffing the wall behind him. Bunny then looked to Sandy. But Sandy was pretending to be asleep on the floor.

Bunny gulped.

''Well, you _are_ being held back by Pitch, while trying to attack Jack to somehow take out the feathers out of him alone, so...''

It was all it took for Tooth to realize her behavior too, and she gasped at herself.

''Oh, my god,'' she said, ''I had no idea, I-I didn't mean to and-''

''You just reacted on instinct?'' Pitch asked, letting her go in disgust and brushing his feathers like he touched something filthy. Tooth landed on her two golden feet gracelessly and turned to stare at him in curiosity and apprehension. The Guardians snapped their heads toward the former Boogeyman.

''How do you know that?'' Tooth skeptically asked. Bunny and North got up off the floor, and Jack too left the safety of the shadows, for everyone to gather around Pitch. Even Sandy rolled over to the curios group.

''I had read about this kind of thing,'' Pitch started, while he was still brushing his feathers lively, ''There is a spell called Cassiopeia, like one of the star constellations, and all the things that happened to us match the spell side effects. The disorientation, the power switch, and,'' he pointed to Tooth, ''crazy foreign behavior.''

Tooth merely looked at him in pride hurt - she was not used to being the one whose resolve cracks when things go wrong.

''So, what you're saying is that Jack,'' Bunny pointed to the said Guardian, ''cast a professional spell on us that will last for who knows how long, and with who knows how much side effects?''

Pitch nodded. ''Precisely, though I doubt that he did it, actually. The spell is, like you said, a professional one. So someone must have helped him.'' He turned his head toward Jack.

''And don't you dare say it was me,'' he warned.

Jack sadly shook his head. ''I don't quite remember anything. All I know is that I took a spell book-''

''The one I specifically told you not to touch!'' North interrupted.

''-and I think I read something out of it, and the next thing I know, I am here.''

Sandy shook his head in disappointment at Jack. He thought better of him. He truly thought that he would finally start listening to others, to take his job more seriously. After all, being a Guardian is something you should take pride in, something to take with all the seriousness you could ever muster in your being. Jack should have been more careful with what the Guardians protected throughout their whole existence, and-

Jack looked down, seeing the Sandman, and bent over to help him to his feet.

_Oh, thank you, you're the most beautiful and the best Guardian there is!_

''Okay, so, here's the plan,'' Bunny started, ''We get out of here, find out what happened, then find Manny and ask him for help.'' Bunny smashed his fluffy paw in his other fluffy paw, determinedly. Everyone nodded in agreement, excluding Pitch who was still brushing his arms in disgust.

''Yeah, just ask the non-talking man who never did us anything good in the past,'' Jack said nonchalantly, starign at a certain rock in the background.

Everything around him went silent once again, only this time, all eyes were pointed at Jack. And to say he was embarrassed would be sugar-coating it.

''What was that for?'' Tooth was the first to speak. Jack moved away his surprised gaze from the rock to the deformed group, realizing that all the Guardians and Pitch were actually listening to him.

_''Ugh, change the subject, idiot!''_

''Ummmm, hey, Pitch. Nice dress.''

''_Excuse_ me. Tell that to yourself, asshole.''

''... What?'' Jack looked down to his body, and boy was he shocked to see that he was wearing the same thing Pitch used to wear. A black robe!

''Ah, damn!'' was Jack's insane response, before he jumped into the air toward the exit, and fell flat on his behind. Pitch couldn't help but snicker mockingly at him, even with the situation at hand.

_''Well, so much for going back to normal.''_

''My powers, they are... gone,'' Jack said, eyes closing and opening. He didn't have his staff. He didn't have his powers. He was completely defenseless.

''You know, you should get your ASS up and do something _useful_! And stop telling us already known facts! Man up, baby,'' Pitch scrutinized, breaking the silence in thousands of pieces. The Guardians didn't even glare at him for his statement.

''It's okay, Jack,'' Tooth said, putting a hand on Jack's shoulder for comfort, and shooting a glare at Pitch. ''We'll figure this out and make things the way they were before.''

Pitch returned the favor while she motioned toward him. ''And even though you have _my_ feathers, I'm still not ruling out the possibility that-''

''I'm a bird! For heavens sake!''

''Okay, okay, not your fault. I get it.'' She raised her hands in defeat, golden eyebrows knitted in thought. Pitch would never humiliate himself for the sake of revenge. At least not this way, the Guardians concluded.

Jack, Tooth, Sandy, Bunny and North gathered around the sun lit entrance above them, half of them eyeing Pitch warily. He might not have his powers, which they didn't know for sure, but he was still their enemy and possibly dangerous. Pitch returned the favor by staying away from them, even though they were blocking his way out.

''The entrance is too high up,'' the former Guardian of Hope stated, ''And I assume that none of us know how to use our... new-found powers. So, I suggest... umm... uh...'' He couldn't even complete his sentence, since he honestly didn't know how to get up there.

''Well, if only I had Wind to carry me, I could fly up there but-''

''Wait, fly... fly... did you just say fly?''

''Yeah, I did, y-... You thought of something?...'' Bunnymund redirected his gaze to Pitch, quickly motioning toward him with a cock of his head.

''Oooooh!'' The Guardians realized what Bunny meant. All eyes were suddenly on Pitch, who seemed to have himself occupied by examining his nails nonchalantly. After a whole minute, Pitch looked up, seeing the smiling faces of Guardians turned in his direction, except for Bunny and Jack, who seemed septic and uncertain.

''What, you freaks?'' First they attack him for no reason, accuse him of kidnapping, and now they were smiling at him. _Smiling_ at him... Truth be told, Pitch was never more creeped out by their behavior.

''What!?'' he asked a little louder this time, since he was down to one last nerve, and they were playing jump rope with it.

''Pitch, you bloke!'' Bunny angrily started toward Pitch, flailing his arms around for emphasis, only serving to annoy the deformed Boogeyman even more. ''Get your feathered ass over here! Finally we can make some good use of you! Now bend over!'' Bunny finished with his hand going for the Boogeyman's neck.

Pitch looked at him with wide eyes, but not in fear, more in shock and surprise. He took a quick step back, avoiding Bunny's grabbing paw and nearly tumbling over a nearby rock, but still catching himself to continue backing away. Bunny kept approaching him threateningly. He reached out and grabbed a handful of feathers, but Pitch hit him in the face with his fist.

The Guardians looked confused for a second, because of Pitch's silent fear. Pitch wasn't really that easy to scare, as much as they would like to deny that. Their gazes switched between Pitch and Bunny, until it clicked in their heads like two pebbles.

Oh-oh, Bunny could have used some different words.

But Pitch was already on the run, running through the cave like a lightning across a clear sky. Bunny even tried to grab him by his tail feathers, jumping forward, but Pitch was too fast and managed to run away, leaving Bunny to fall flat on his face with a grunt.

''Bunny,'' Tooth gently cut in, walking over to him, with a shaking of her weak legs. Bunny looked up with a face full of tiny rocks stuck to it. ''Ahem, you know, when you explain things to people you need to use more clear words. For an example - Can you carry us up there, Pitch? We could use your wings to get us out of here. Tooth could give you a few tips on how to use your new powers.'' She was now standing in front of Bunny, her expression changing to accusation.

''And not; get undressed and let us gang rape you!''

''What!? I didn' say t-'' Bunny abruptly stopped, going over his words in his head._.._

''Damn.''

_Some time later_

* * *

''He still asleep, yes?''

''Aha. He kinda looks cute, doesn't he?''

''What?''

''I mean; we should wake him and get some answers. We're losing daylight.''

Weird voices buzzed around Pitch's head. Not that that was surprising, since he always heard weird voices in his head, and not in that crazy kind of way.

It was weird because one minute, he had been running from Bunny who kinda got the idea to rape him, and the next he was laying down on something. Something soft. Maybe fur?

Pitch made his eyes open. And the first thing he saw was another pair of golden eyes staring back at him. Tooth? Only it looked like Tooth, but she seemed to be walking upside down from a grassy ceiling. _When did she start getting so creepy?_

''Oh, he's awake,'' she noted.

It took Pitch only a few seconds to realize four things.

One; his hands and legs were tied up with a rope, including his mouth. Two; he was slung upside down on one of North's shoulders. Three; the stupid Guardians somehow found another way to get out of the cave, and into the jungle-like surrounding they were in now. The fourth thing; Sandy was eying him with a dangerous look of revenge upon his face.

That didn't look very promising.

''So, we gonna go to my Warre-'' Bunny started.

''-I do not know how to use your... transportation,'' North interrupted.

''We can go to the Workshop th-''

''-No sleigh. Nor can we get through the snow on foot,'' Tooth interrupted.

''Fine, geesh, we could go to Punjam Hy Loo, maybe?''

''Can't fly, and neither can Pitch tied up like this.'' She motioned toward Pitch, whose crest was ruffling in annoyance again. ''Was the gag really necessary?'' Tooth asked. She hadn't liked the idea of tying him up in the first place. He wasn't an animal.

Well, not completely now, anyway.

''I can't listen to the annoying show pony, and you know how he gets sassy and snarky in situations like this,'' Bunny said matter-of-factly with a hint of mocking.

''Still, I think we shouldn't treat him like-''

''An animal.''

The Guardians stopped, only half of them in annoyance at the voice. Bunny took a few steps back and walked behind North.

''How did you get the gag off, you-''

''I have many talents,'' The Boogeyman proudly said, smugly nodding his head at Bunny. He ran a hand -two tied up hands- over his crest, picking out a very small pebble that was stuck to the side of his head. He carefree flicked it at Bunny.

''No sense in neglecting my hygiene,'' Pitch said, Bunny crunching his nose in anger and his eyes flashing with rage.

Bunny took a step closer to him and grabbed his chin roughly. He moved his head dangerously close to his eyes. Pitch could feel his freezing cold breath against his face. He definitely did not like the little distance Bunny put between them.

''Now, you listen, you rag. If I hear so much as a single insult coming from you, you _will_ regret it. So shut yer trap and-''

But all Bunny saw was a twitch and a white flash, and he was sent tumbling back. His hands were clutching the now painful spot on his long forehead.

''Ah! The creep hit me!'' A red soar, of something long and thin, started appearing where he was holding his hands, Bunny could feel the warmth it radiated. And when he moved to a nearby puddle to look at it, he could make out an outline of a feather.

''Well, couldn't have been me,'' Pitch nonchalantly said, his hands raised to show his ties. Bunny slowly lifted his silent, furious look from the puddle. ''Must have been your impotence.''

''Ahhhhh!'' Bunny charged at Pitch, the bruise forgotten and the pain ignored. Pitch instinctively prepared himself for the blow.

Until another idea came to the front of his mind. Setting his plan into action, Pitch swung his legs for dear life, and hit North as hard as he could, conveniently in the crotch. And North, having already getting hit at that spot again, dropped Pitch almost immediately.

''Owww! Ah!'' In favor of hopping around to hysterically howl and repeat 'ouch, ouch'.

Bunny accidentally slammed into him, and lost his balance. North fell on top of the violently squirming Bunny, and Pitch jumped a few steps backward from the fallen duo. Just in time to see Bunny push North away and come at him again._ Now or never, _the Boogeyman thought.

Pitch turned around and flapped his wings for dear life. Only he didn't fly away.

The wind picked up around Bunny, blowing and getting stronger. Bunny was mere inches away from Pitch when the wind suddenly started pushing him back. And no matter how much Bunny tried, he was suddenly suspended in the air.

''Ooey crikey!'' Bunny was tossed, flipped and hit by the nearby branches filled with mossy leaves and free canopy. ''Jack! How do you use this! Uh-oh, W-wind! I command ya to stop!''

''Bunny, you don't control it, it's an elemental!'' Jack yelled to the terrified Bunny, his hands cupped around his mouth for the former spirit of Hope to hear him.

But Bunny wasn't listening, since the air was too noisy and his heart was beating way too fast.

''This really can't get any worse,'' Tooth breathed out. A nearly unnoticeable halo of sand formed over her head, and disappeared almost instantly.

''Hey,'' North interrupted his friends, already recovering from the painful crotch hit, although he gripped his accidental-kilt while doubled over. He looked around the trees.

''Where is Pitch?''


	3. Come To Think Of It

Pairing: N/A (will change)  
Genre: Humor, Parody  
Rating: T (for swearing, no smut)  
Word Count: 3,495

Chapter 3 - Come To Think Of It...

* * *

''Pitch don't do that, Pitch do that,'' Pitch prattled in a too high, mock Guardian voice, ''Oh, Pitch, you're so evil. We hate evil. Ah, you know, according to this fact, we hate you.'' Pitch huffed out in disgust, straightening his body feathers.

''Geesh, the Guardians are even more bossy than I thought. Lunatics. First they accuse me for no apparent reason, and then try to-... Use me,'' he shivered, ''Those mean pricks.'' He quickly made his way over fallen logs and thick flowers, feathers coated with sweat.

He walked around a tree and jumped over a few wines. ''Stupid trees!'' He hit one of the low hanging branches, the wood breaking easily, and he smiled. But as he passed it, another branch in front of him came out of nowhere and hit him across the face.

''Damn it!'' He cursed, rubbing his wet face and continuing his walk, anger now fueled by the wilderness around him, ''Who do they think they are!? Someone who could order the Nightmare King himself!?

''Please.''

*squeak*

Pitch ducked under a leafy bush in instinct. A branch nicked his cheek and his head hit a random branch, but other than that, he was well-hidden. Suddenly thousands and thousands upon hummingbird wing beatings filled the air, chirps and squeaks. _Damn, damn and damn! _Pitch moved through the bushes on his belly.

And for the very first time, and definitely the last, he was glad he had feathers to cover up his skin.

But then, when he was still on his stomach and making his way through the dense bush, he came to a sudden stop. A pair of small pink eyes stared back at him. The mini-fairy had her hands stretched out to the ground, a tooth on the floor, one that she accidentally dropped. She was frozen in that position, staring at the former Boogeyman. Pitch stared back too. And for a few seconds, none of them blinked...

Then the fairy sounded the alarm.

_The Guardian Group_

* * *

''Damn it, we shouldn't have taken Pitch with us.''

''Calm down, Bunny. We'll find him.''

''How? Huh, would you just tell me how.''

''We could-''

''You don't know, do ya?''

Tooth plucked another thorn out of Bunny's fur, earning a yelp out of him. He shook his head in annoyance and glared daggers her way. The change in his appearance, the stuffy white and hella useless fur, freaked him out. It got dirty fast and easy; it could not be tamed; it collected sweat like a sponge; and the last, and oh so definitely not the least, it looked _awful_ on him. He really missed his short and gray fur. Jack approached the pair, brushing off his arm in discomfort. The hot climate here was killing him.

''So what's the plan?'' he asked Bunny, as if he were the group leader.

''I dunno,'' was Bunny's reply, before he yelped again when Tooth took out another thorn, ''Would you be more careful!?''

''Would you be more still?'' Tooth retorted. She huffed, ''You just had to try and run after him. These jungles are dangerous places.''

Suddenly, North came rushing out of the jungle, nearly tumbling over his feet, and gasping for breath. He kept pointing behind him, trying to say what he saw by his hands alone, still running toward the rest. It looked like he was exaggerating his movement, but his eyes told a different story.

''Woah, woah,'' Jack interrupted North's frantic behavior, as North came to a stop in front of him, ''Calm down, take a deep breath.'' North was still gasping and wheezing like he didn't know how to breathe properly, but at least now he was standing instead of running around like a nut-job.

''I-!.. He-!... I-!...'' North tried saying but couldn't due to his constant gasps. He flailed his arms even more. Then, taking a deep breath, he choked out, ''Pitch!''

Bunny instantly jumped to his feet.

''Where!?''

North merely pointed behind him, and Bunny ran off as fast as he could, though he tripped a few times before he got to the trees, and vanished into the dangerous wilds of Asia.

''North,'' Jack whispered, his stomach churning a bit as he watched trees in the distance shake. Bunny was probably making his way really fast, and at some point, the trees and the flying birds stopped shaking when a single tall tree made one short shiver. Then the ruckus ahead continued again, albeit slower, ''I have a bad feeling that you shouldn't have said that to Bunny.'' North seemed to have regained himself, at least to the point where he didn't shake and wiggle his nose around like a rabbit in distress.

''Don't worry,'' he breathed out, doubled over with his hands on his knees, reassuring Jack. He looked very confident when he looked up to him with a smile, ''There is a jungle of thorns he has to pass to get there.''

Bunny's screams echoed back to them, making them flinch.

* * *

''Get away, you brainless pests!'' Pitch screamed at the mini-fairies behind him, as he ran with quick speed, jumping over bushes, and each time getting hit by the low-hanging branches.

''Is this what I get after making all those cages instead of carbon boxes I first planned!?'' The fairies only squeaked harder, and dived more angrily for the Boogeyman's head feathers, not even stopping to wonder why the Boogeyman looked like one giant fairy.

''Dear darkness!''

* * *

Bunny ran like crazy over any sort of flowers that got in his way, thorns and leaves hitting his already damaged fur, making him run faster, and faster, and faster. He dared not stop to slowly get past the thorn jungle. Partly because he was too afraid to do so since there were too many thorns, and he ran across some sort of a mud that felt like it could sink a boat.

_So if I stop, I would either get speared or sink into the thick mud..._

He cursed the very spirit that made all this.

''Damn you, Mother Nature!'' And shook his paw whilst running. ''I hate thorns!'' he exclaimed to the lush environment that wanted to kill him, ''Why does this fu-!''

A branch slapped him right across a chubby white cheek, stopping him from saying any more obscenities.

* * *

The mini-fairies behind Pitch chirped in distress, their wings flapping rapidly and going for the Boogeyman's head yet again. He didn't manage to avoid all their attacks, but at least he ducked a fair amount as the bushes and trees helped him. The leaves still hit him and slapped him like they wanted revenge though.

''What is it with Seraphina and her destructive personality!?'' he wondered out loud in disbelief.

But as soon as he said that, the squeaking suddenly stopped, and the trees no longer hurt him. He somehow stopped as well, first turning his frantic running into a jogging type of a walk, then with his head still turned toward the direction where the mini-fairies had chased him, he stopped completely. With his head turned in opposite direction, and still gasping while standing still, he wondered where the fairies vanished. After a minute, his breathing calmed down and he whined out in confusion.

He wondered, until something white and huge slammed into him, sending both of them skidding across the jungle floor. The two things, of which one was Pitch, came crashing through the dense bushes, rolling down a narrow hill and mud, hitting more bushes and getting pummeled by random branches that fell form nearby trees, and then coming to a stop after slamming into a very thick, very long tree that reminded Pitch of palms.

Pitch groaned, and the thing on which he was laying on mimicked his movements. Then it roughly moved him off itself and shook wildly, shaking off leaves, mud, a vine, grass, and all sorts of little thingies that Pitch couldn't recall seeing in his life. Still looking at Pitch, the thing emerged and huffed out in what appeared to be anger.

Bunny!

''Holy cow!'' Pitch cried out, startled by Bunny's sudden presence.

''You!'' Bunny screamed in surprise, hands at his sides and stretching. He pointed a green finger at him in disbelief. That surprise was soon replaced by anger. Bunny jumped toward him with a war cry.

Or at least, Bunny wanted to jump at him. Pitch shielded himself and prepared for the blow. Only, the blow never came.

Something stopped the former Guardian of Hope mere inches from the former spirit of Fear, suspended in mid-air. Slippery vines were wrapped around his stomach and pulled taut, along with dirty wood and a few colorful flowers. Bunny wriggled and grabbed the air in front of the Boogeyman, but the vines held firm. Bunny could only breathe out in confusion at the plants, staring at them like he never saw a vine in his life.

He will never admit that he felt a bit of fear when he looked at Pitch and saw him smiling wickedly, seeing an incredible opportunity in this.

He wearily gulped.

* * *

''Hey, did you feel that?'' Jack suddenly asked his friends, his nose sniffing the stale air around them.

''Feel what?'' Tooth asked him back, steeping over yet another huge plant which name she did not know.

The four Guardians didn't know how long they looked for Bunny, seeking for him in this enormous Asian jungle. But they knew they had heard a very big ruckus just a few minutes before, so they could only hope Bunny found Pitch and was on his way to bring him back. Kicking and screaming.

''That strange feeling, you know,'' Jack said, still sniffing the air in a creepy kind of way, ''Ah, never mind, probably nothing.''

''Yeah,'' Tooth exhaled in exhaustion, sitting down to briefly rest her aching legs. She was regretting that she didn't use her legs more often, stuck on that diet she so foolishly hoped was good for her. _Damn those good for nothing sugar-free diets... Well, at least I didn't get cavity._

''Tooth!'' Jack whined at the relaxing Guardian of Dreams. ''Again!?'' he asked her incredulously, hands outstretched toward her. Tooth gave him a murderous look.

''You know, _Jack_,'' she spat out his name, while still siting on the floor. ''I don't use my legs often because I actually have wings.'' Her demeanor changed a bit.

''So suck it up!'' It was all that took for Jack to turn the other way.

''I think I saw something over there,'' he made up an excuse.

North and Sandy were a few meters away from the pair, talking about something. Well, North was talking and Sandy was listening, unable to voice his thoughts without his dream sand. He kinda figured out a way to be able to express his thoughts, but it would take him a few hours to do, when they hopefully arrived at the North Pole.

''North!'' Tooth called over, motioning her hand toward him in a rushed manner. North looked up to her from Sandy, and they both walked to her as normally as they could, with North crouching down to listen.

''What is it, Tooth?''

''Umm, I don't know how to say this but...'' She shook her head in exasperation. ''We have to keep an eye out on Jack, now.''

North looked at her in confusion, though Sandy nodded his head in understanding.

''Why!? Jack is one of us,'' he bellowed loudly, being his usual self. Minus the Bunny appearance.

Tooth instantly hushed him down and clapped a hand on his mouth, looking around for any signs that Jack heard this. Even Sandy put a finger to his lips in a 'keep quiet' gesture, the two showing North together that something serious was going on. Too busy to hear any of this, Jack was far off to the side, poking a colorful plant with a curious finger, and a grossed out face. Though not gross enough to make him stop poking it.

''I know, I know,'' Tooth whispered, letting go of North's mouth, ''But his... Boogeyman side might overthrow him. You know what Pitch is like.''

''Nonsense, Pitch evil, Jack es-''

Their heads snapped toward Jack as he gasped in surprise, the colorful plant turned to mash by his constant picking at it. Then Jack started laughing, taking a random stick and hitting it again and again. Even taking another bigger stick to poke the mush repeatedly. He seemed to have some exaggerated, childish fun in making it regret its decision to pop.

Tooth turned her head ever so slowly to North, who was still staring in surprise at Jack. Sandy cocked his head, and the trio exchanged glances.

''Okay,'' North whispered, getting up, ''we can just keep an eye on him, that all?'' Tooth and Sandy nodded in agreement.

There was a sudden scream that ripped through the air, reaching the four spirits almost instantly, and even Jack let the stick fall from his hand as the deformed Guardians raised their heads up.

Then their eyes met each other, and they all cried out, ''Bunny!''

* * *

He was left speechless as well. The new Guardians of Hope, Dreams and a new spirit of Fear had to do a reality check and rub their eyes to make sure that this wasn't imagined.

Pitch stood in front of a horrified Bunny, waving a brown piece of something. It looked like it was chocolate, though it could be wood for as long Guardians had a say in it. Bunny was entangled into a green mess of vines, hung from what looked like a palm tree. With a smile too big for his face, Pitch laughed as Bunny let out enraged and scared sounds.

''Come on, you know you want it,'' Pitch encouraged the fearful Pooka with another grin too wide for his face. He waved the chocolate even closer to Bunny.

''Get that away from me!'' Bunny screamed, and fought to get out of his nature imprisonment, ''You sick bastard!''

''I'm gonna make you eat it, so you might as well get it over with,'' Pitch sweetly said, taking a step forward. The former Guardian of Hope struggled even harder while he let out cries.

''No, stop!'' he hysterically yelled out, ''Don't! What do you want!? Anything but that!'' Pitch stopped at this, his face expressing thought. He then lowered the torture device to the ground and brushed his hands on his feathers. He put a finger on his chin in thought.

''Hmmm,'' he mused, ''What do I want from a Pooka?'' Bunny looked at him in anxiety.

''Well, I've always wanted to... hear a formal apology... from the all mighty Bunnymund,'' he finally said, grin nearly splitting his face in half, making Bunny gouge his eyes out.

''Never!'' he screamed out, and then continued to struggle, much harder than before.

''Tsk, tsk,'' Pitch let out, picking up the filthy chocolate from the floor, ''Such a shame, really.''

But as he was about to try yet again to push the ''chocolate'' into his mouth, Bunny managed to slap it out of his hands, and send it flying into a nearby bush on their left. The two then stared at the direction to which it disappeared, before Bunny all but roared out in relief, relaxing against the vines.

''Well,'' Pitch calmly said, ''There's plenty more where that came from.''

''Holy cow,'' Jack whispered, then not looking at North, whispered to him, ''Are we gonna do anything about this?''

It took the Guardians only a few moments to realize that wasn't grass.

And what Pitch waved in Bunny's face wasn't chocolate.*

''Oh,'' they sighed out. And after a few other moments, they all made grossed out expressions of their own; Tooth put a hand to her mouth and hiccuped with a brief laugh, while Sandy and North looked away to stare back at the jungle, like that never happened and they were merely observing the scenery. All but Jack, who smiled in a creepy way and added a giggle.

''Holy crap,'' he whispered again, then snorted in quiet laughter at the scene. He really wished he had a camera right now. Bunny turned his frantic look to his right, seeing his fellow Guardians.

''Guys!'' He yelled, startling them all, making them return to the scene of eating dirt, ''Get this lunatic away from me! Don't just stand there!''

''Should we?'' Jack asked in a not-so-serious manner, just as a scene of Bunny pleading and the Boogeyman saying ''Eat the dirt, eat it'' made its way into his head, making him burst out laughing again.

''Of course we should!'' North yelled, looking at the Boogeyman's narrowed eyes -Pitch's way of telling ''oh, it's on!''- and then he bellowed with a mighty voice, ''Charge!''

The fight that played out after that was one that would never be forgotten.

_The Beginning of the Fight_

* * *

Okay, firstly, it wasn't that bad that they had switched powers. Or looks. Or even some personalities. It wasn't that bad that now they had powers practically opposite of what they had had. That was okay as well.

What wasn't okay was that they had no idea how to use their powers.

At first, as three deformed Guardians and a Pitch ran to start the epic battle they always had when they fought, everything seemed okay and things felt like nothing changed at all. North raised a paw in an attack, Tooth was running herself out, Jack was lunging for the former Boogeyman's neck, and Sandy was almost jogging to the black fairy.

Then the strangeness took over, and things returned as they were not but an hour ago.

Tooth eventually started speed walking, then walking, and in the end, she stopped all together, gasping for breath and breathing heavily, before collapsing on the floor and saying. ''Okay''-long intake of breath-''you go guys. I'll catch up.'' And thus she laid her golden head on the floor and panted heavily, whispering in defeat, ''Just go on without me.'' Then Sandy fell behind, too slow even if he was jogging as fast as he could. He was getting real tired of being so small.

Jack tripped himself by accident, not used to his robes, and fell flat on the face to the ground, and into the filth of the jungle. He mumbled something as his face got full of dirt, and then raised his head to spit out what he swallowed. He looked down at his black robes, only now noticing just how long they were, and cursed whoever invented those things. _How can Pitch run in these!? _he incredulously thought, and was about to get up, when he realized his legs got entangled into the robes.

_Noooooo._

Now the only one left standing was North, who slowed down as well, looking behind him at his friends falling behind. Jack was on the floor, cleaning his hair and whining. Tooth was a few meters away, laying and gasping on the ground like a fish out of water. And Sandy was still going, but he fell behind a long time (even before the Guardian of Memories). North face-palmed himself.

_Oh, boy._

And then a blur of feathers crashed into him with a battle cry. He was sent tumbling about with the creature, getting a mouth of his own full of ground as the thing -Pitch, probably- scratched at him and even bit him at some point. He tried getting out, but soon the former Boogeyman was on top of him, slapping him and punching him for all it was worth. North managed to get him off, but the feathers still scratched and his fur only served him to entangle themselves with the feathers. Pitch got up and lunged again, but North made it on his own two paws and blocked the attack with his right elbow.

''Use the legs!'' Bunny screeched, ''Use the damn legs for hope's sake!''

And that he did. Only he didn't use them as Bunny thought he would. What Bunny meant was North to swing them toward the Boogeyman. Yet what North did was to somehow, in a magic way, kick himself in the face and-

Lights out.

* * *

*** I had the thing that was waved at Bunny's replaced - it's dirt now. I thought it would be too much for some readers if I kept the original :I Trust me when I say that you don't want to know what it once was before I changed it *innocent blink***


	4. Operation 'Home'

Pairing: N/A (will change)  
Genre: Humor, Parody  
Rating: T (for swearing, no smut)  
Word Count: 5,563

Chapter 4 - Operation ''Home''

* * *

Voices swirled about in the abyss. They were muted, almost choked, as if North was listening to them while being submerged underwater. He coughed, twitching his head, trying to get the buzz of the voices to leave his ears. They were irritating. Both the long ears and noises. The voices did eventually stop, but only for a few short seconds, before something small and hard pushed his side. He grunted, not wanting to move; simply too exhausted. Why did his head hurt like hell?

But after some time, he grew bored of staying motionless, and the persistent pushing of his left side annoyed him too much. Gray eyelids fluttered open, and the small, pink button nose twitched. Even the two red ears rose subconsciously to catch any sounds nearby.

''Noooorth...'' some distant and soothing voice could be heard, calling his name, ''... Noooooooorth.''

Everything was so blurry, though the large rabbit's eyes were wide open. But he could still make out the small, divine scene above him. A figure, lean, pretty, and an angelic-looking face gazed down at him. Reiterating his name, there was something akin to a smile plastered on the creature's face.

''Nooooooooooooooooorth''

And North smiled, reaching out, but still squinting his baby blue eyes at the beautiful face. There was bright light shining all around the loving creature, shadowing its form and blurring it, all the while irritating his vision as well. _An angel?_

''Angel?'' he questioned, hands so close yet so far from the light. So, so inviting, comfortable, reaching to-

A vicious slap across his cheek brought his head to the right side, the force of it rattling the teeth in his skull. The annoying buzz in his ears returned and echoed throughout his head. He coughed out in surprise, eyes wildly going everywhere in confusion. Before another slap brought his head to the left and a rough voice jerked him to full awareness.

''Wake up, you stupid oaf!''

''Pitch, take it easy!'' Tooth's chirp sounded distressed, and so close to his ears that it felt like she was basically screaming into them.

The scene above him cleared -probably because someone just slapped the blurry out of him and possibly a few of his teeth- and he pushed the black figure off himself. Pitch fell to the floor with a silent yelp, and then merely huffed in frustration as he got to his feet, brushing his black feathers of dust that instantly started gathering there, indignantly ruffling his long tail feathers. North sat up on his aching behind and closed his eyes as he rubbed his dry and sore face.

''What... What happened?'' he asked, and looked up.

He was met by a... _strange_ sight.

Tooth and Pitch stood on his left, waiting patiently for him to come to his senses; Tooth was smiling uneasily at him and had her hands clasped in front of her while Pitch's were crossed over his chest, his eyes watching him with a bored and annoyed expression. Bunny and Jack were off to the right of him, both of them refusing to gaze at him as they whispered and exchanged comments between each other, voices tense and somewhat angry. And the small, pink-cheeked, coat-wearing Sandy was the only one in front of him, smiling from ear to ear and waving at him enthusiastically to show that he's glad to have North awake. The former Guardian of Wonder stared back at the little man, lifting a hand uneasily and giving a small wave. Sandy smiled wider, closing his eyes to be able to fit it on his face.

Following North's question, the entire group standing up shifted nervously from feet to feet. Especially Tooth, who also coughed and gave Pitch a look that basically asked ''should we tell him?'' Pitch at first didn't notice, looking at North, nonchalantly. Carelessly glancing at her golden face, eyes going back to North, and then snapping back again to her in shock, he snorted. The dark fairy shook his head, eyes widening in astonishment.

_Nu-uh, you tell him._

She responded with wide eyes and a shake of her own head.

_No, you_. He shook his head. She nodded. He shook his head. She kept furiously nodding, until he sighed out in exasperation and glanced at Jack.

_You_, his eyes said, and when Jack's eyes fell upon the dark spirit, he gasped, gaze suddenly shifting from Pitch to North a thousand times before he shook his head.

_Nooooo_, his eyes whined for him, and Pitch gave him a crooked and evil-looking smile.

_Yesssss_.

Bunny rolled his eyes and Sandy copied him. North was plain irritated.

''Will someone please tell me!?'' The five flinched, and exchanged glances once more, before Sandy finally sighed out in exasperation.

_I'll tell him, _North could suddenly hear a voice, and when he nervously looked around, he realized from who it came from. Sandy gave him an uneasy smile. _Hey_, he waved happily again, the voice having the same tone as a ten-year-old child.

North stared for some time, motionless and thoughts indifferent. Then he rubbed his eyes with both hands and looked at Sandy again. The small puff of dreams had an even uneasier smile.

''Okay, okay,'' Pitch interrupted the silence, marching over in front of North, and leaned on one leg as his hands splayed out before him, ''We're getting nowhere with this.''

''Really, Sherlock,'' Jack murmured grumpily.

The group stared in expectation as Pitch took a deep breath, then half-mouthed half-whispered the sentence.

''The Guardians have agreed on an alliance with me...''

Blink.

Seconds seemed to tick away into eternity and Pitch was starting to wonder if North was going to react at all.

Then the rabbit fainted again.

* * *

Jack was explaining what had happened after North fainted, but the red rabbit was growing more bored and more agitated with each passing minute. Jack was prolonging the story of their fight with unnecessary comments and his opinions on every strange battle move.

''I don' care about the details,'' North interrupted, sighing and rubbing his forehead which was creased from the uneasy frown he had, ''Just tell me how you came to the conclusion that we should have an _alliance_ with the man who nearly wiped us all out-''

''Why, thank you.''

''-and how come Sandy can mind-speak!?'' North finished, shooting a look at the black fairy.

''Hmmm,'' Jack mumbled, ''Well, after we all started fighting as normally as we usually do, things kinda changed. First we all managed to turn on Pitch, fighting him in whatever way we knew. Then, out of the blue, my friends decided to fight against _me_ and so conveniently-''

''Jack,'' Tooth sighed out, ''We told you we're sorry.''

''Sorry won't get the bruises to heal any faster,'' he retorted, still holding the grudge.

''Then? Soooo,'' North ushered Jack to continue.

''So,'' Jack started again, displaying his hands in front of him again so he demonstrated, ''then after Pitch threw Sandy in the nearby trees, and the people I call friends turned on me, we heard a voice, which was Sandy and he stopped the fight... Surprisingly, the little man can be really eloquent when it comes to it. We have no idea how, we have no idea why, and that's pretty much it...''

Silence reigned for a few moments.

''But,'' North said, ''How did you agree on the alliance-?''

''That was my idea,'' Tooth shyly said, hands twitchy and nervous as she looked at North with something akin to ''I'm sorry'' look, ''I thought that if we temporarily agree on an alliance, we would be able to sort this mess out without any further complications... honestly, I thought it was more likely for Pitch to throw up than agree on an alliance, but I-''

She held a up a hand as Pitch turned to stare at her in surprise and protest.

''-I am _glad_ that I was wrong. Okay?''

Pitch blew a raspberry at her and she returned the favor, crossing her arms on her chest, thus ending her speech.

North, usually the leader, stood in front of the assembled group of the deformed five. They could all see the uneasy, dissatisfied look he was giving them. But if he was really honest, he was a bit glad that there should be no more fights. Yet again, he was still angry at Pitch. His mind-searing comments on his look, and the kick to his southern lands, plus this situation entirely had brought out another side of him that he wished not to speak of. Until he was transformed and utterly deformed -

He didn't know just how much he truly hated the Boogeyman.

''So...'' Jack said, breaking the awkward silence with an awkward smile, ''What do you think?''

At first, North wanted to go into an all-out rampage. Possibly kill someone. But then Tooth, the golden puff of well-shaped sand, nudged the former Boogeyman, the obviously higher fairy. Pitch growled in dissatisfaction, but still complied to the new Guardian of Dreams, who gave him an unnervingly wide smile of gratitude.

He stepped forward, lowering his hands from their place on his chest and then reached out with one hand to the mostly red rabbit.

One of North's baby blue eyes twitched.

''C'mon,'' Tooth urged on, gesturing with her small golden hands for North to accept it.

He seemed even more hesitant than Bunny had been, when all four of them shook hands with them, and that was saying something, considering Bunny spat on his paw and offered it to the Boogeyman. That almost ended up with another fight.

The group waited for North to shake the fairy's hand so they could all continue on their way with this new-found certainty. Tooth overlooked the duo as if a mother waiting for two toddlers to make up.

Their deformed leader accepted, reaching one paw for the Boogeyman's pale hand, and shaking it. Once. Twice.

''Well that settles it!'' Tooth cheerily announced, but not before she came between the two bitter enemies, ''Now we can be friends-''

''Alliances,'' Pitch and North hissed out.

''-so we can find out what exactly happened,'' she finished.

Jack's heart nearly sank to his feet.

''This actually might be good,'' the red rabbit said, chuckling a bit, slightly relaxing despite the circumstances, ''We just _might_ figure something out now instead of aimlessly fighting.''

''Yeah,'' Pitch said, ''Sorry for calling you an old piece of turd behind your back.''

''What!?''

''Okay, easy,'' Tooth chirped out, stretching out her arms in both directions, putting them on a feathered chest and a furry one, keeping them apart, ''He _apologized_. Yes, it's probably the spell talking, but it's a _start_. Don't you agree with me?''

The rest of them nodded their heads, though North stared in astonishment at the Nightmare King for a few seconds, anger threatening to come back again - full power.

''What should we do about the crazy behavior?'' Jack interrupted the momentary silence. Next to him, Bunny scratched his floppy ears and shook his head at them, making them even more floppy. They felt like his old ones but they still had that feeling of five kilogram weight to it, and the soft fur tickled his skin whenever a wind blew by.

''You don't have to worry, it only lasts half a minute and comes in flashes,'' Pitch nonchalantly said, still staring at the red rabbit, who stared back, ''That is the smallest problem we have... Well except for that big problem right in front of me. Get a diet, rabbit. You'll fluff yourself out.'' North's eyes widened in surprise, Pitch smirking as the former Guardian of Wonder, who growled in hatred, looking ready to pounce at him once more. North tried to move toward the Boogeyman, but Tooth's hand kept him a certain distance away. She lifted an eyebrow at him that was saying 'Don't'.

_Pitch, don't be a tease,_ Sandy said, eying him with disappointment as the new spirit of memories snorted in indignation, before turning to North, _You try to cooperate_.

''I've been nothing but cooperative!'' North bellowed, hands stretched out and pointing to Pitch, ''Look! He's still alive, isn't he?''

''Yeah,'' Pitch said, ''And look, he is not crying like a little girl... yet.''

''That's it-'' North started, then Jack interrupted.

''That's it, you're right, North. Let's get a move on before we kill each other, shall we?'' Jack quickly said and turned on his heel away from the tense group.

The five of them didn't quite want to fight with Jack inching away from them, so the Nightmare King exchanged hateful and spiteful glances with the deformed Guardians, giving North a personal scowl, turned on his heel, and started to slowly walk a few meters behind Jack.

Tooth lowered her arms, and watched Pitch walk up to Jack's back, but keeping a certain distance. Bunny started as well, and walked behind Pitch, back tense with anticipation. Tooth gave one last glance at the red rabbit, and shrugged, going after the trio.

North eyed Sandy, who stood next to him. Even Sandy shrugged, starting forward to the moving group.

But North didn't think this would work out so good.

_In Front Of Tooth's Palace_

* * *

He looked horrible.

No.

He had macabre looks that would put the spirit of Ugliness to shame. Saying it lightly.

Jack reached out to touch his face, letting the hand slide over his cheeks as he openly gaped at his reflection.

He wished the water was not as clear as it was. He can see every _single_ GHASTLY detail the reflection was offering. His skin, once so pale that it was almost the color of snow, was now ashen. It made his wide, electric blue eyes pop, accentuating the details _his hair _was giving. His gorgeus, once pearly white hair was now black. Tousled still, but black none the less; also shimmering, like... sand?

He looked like Pitch. And yes, to Jack, that was a horrible thing to ever think.

As he stared into his reflection, he saw the man from whom he inherited his looks come up behind him. The black fairy hooked an arm around his neck and smiled widely at the reflection, his golden eyes expressing humor at Jack's shock.

''May I say, the look fits you,'' he smiled, shaking his head with satisfaction, ''This could have been you if you had any brains left after the Guardians brainwashed you, when I offered you that pretty sweet deal.''

But Jack was too busy being shocked to listen to him.

''Okay, how are we gonna get up there?'' North asked, his furry finger on his chin thought. The Guardians behind him gave in to their thinking, cocking their heads to the sides and mumbling.

They all stood, sans Jack who was on his knees and too much in disbelief to react, in front of Tooth's Palace. Well, the back of the palace. The dark and almost grey mountain loomed over them like a giant, trees stretched out all around it, reaching for its top but not even one of the trees touched the middle, let alone the very top of the high palace. The sun shone behind it, thus casting the Guardians and Pitch into a shadow. Were they not used to the usually colorful and lively mountain, they wouldn't be thinking right now about the possibility that maybe, just _maybe... _Tooth's palace might have changed to fit Pitch's personality.

But the thought was gone from their mind as the question overcame them. How to get up there?

Pitch sighed and cleared his throat, moving away from Jack, who was still staring at the conveniently placed puddle.

''Ahem.'' The Guardians either didn't hear it or chose to ignore it.

''Aheemm,'' Pitch tried again, a little less subtly than before, but seeing the Guardians still didn't pay attention to him, he took a deep breath.

''Ahheeeeeeem!'' The Big Four snapped their heads toward the fairy, as if they forgot he was there. Pitch brushed a hand over his crest and played nonchalant.

''Do you have any suggestions, Pitch?'' North asked, teeth clenched, and still staring at the Boogeyman like he would walk up to him right then and there and punch him. Bunny folded his snowy arms and raised an eyebrow at him, while Tooth and Sandy wore neutral expressions. Pitch gave a look of surprise.

''Oh, me, now why would you think that...?'' he continued, then after ten seconds he spoke again, ''_Actually_, I do have, now that you've mentioned...'' The Guardians sighed in annoyance; Pitch was being too Pitch for his own good.

''You have your fairies,'' he said to Tooth, motioning toward her with an elegantly feathered hand. The former Guardian of Memories gave him a golden wide-eyed look, ''You have thousands of them. You can make a raft out of them and-''

''I'm not using my fairies as an elevator!'' she all but screeched out, furious by his suggestion, ''This is outrageous, right guys?'' But to her shock, her friends were silent, averting their gazes to the floor. As if they thought the idea was good.

''No,'' she firmly and finally said, closing the discussion with a stamp of her golden foot.

''Well, I have no more suggestions. How do we get up there? Huh?'' Pitch bitterly replied, shaking his head in irritation and offense. His idea was pretty damn good, and she so stubbornly rejected it. Ah. Women and their toys.

''Wait a minute,'' Jack spoke out, making everyone slowly turn their heads to him. The new Boogeyman got up from his position, seemingly recovered from his shock, but his frown remained, ''I have an idea.''

''No, no, no and no,'' Bunny said, waving his paws in front of him, filled with green and brown on pure white, ''We ain't listening to you, Frost. The last time we did, the North Pole was nearly burned to the-'''

''That was an accident,'' Jack sighed out, lowering his gaze to the floor while he shook his head, ''Will you let go of it Bunny already?''

''Let it go!? We all nearly died!''

''_Nearly_. You're not dead and I learned a valuable lesson. The past is in the past,'' Jack said, lifting his eyes to him and smiling.

The former Guardian of Hope grunted and stamped off into a random direction. Pitch stared after him as he went, wondering, as Jack portrayed his idea to the Guardians, if he should tell Bunny there were a few pieces of rotten leaves stuck to his behind.

He smiled. Why in the world would he even wonder to tell Bunny something like that?

''So, Pitch, you in?'' Jack snapped him out of his amused reverie. The former Nightmare King couldn't help but to make a confused face, which made the Guardians roll their eyes and sigh out in annoyance.

Narrowing his eyes, the new Guardian of Memories listened to Jack with newfound curiosity. After a few moments, he almost choked on his own tongue in an attempt to reply to Jack's ludicrous idea.

''_What_?'' He painfully accentuated the word. Jack looked to his right, his left, then back at the Boogeyman.

''You have wings. You can just carry one of us up there and we can reach Man in Moon for further transportation.''

It seemed like a good, reasonable idea to the deformed spirits, and the Guardians actually had the courage to hope he would agree to carry them up there. Because let's face it, he would think this through and realize they had to work together to get to Tooth's palace to-

''Nu-uh. I ain't carrying your fat asses with me! Here's a better idea - why don't I just leave you here to _rot_!''

After a moment of shocked silence, the posse let out a disappointed sigh.

So much for that.

_Ah, the nerve to ask me something like that! _Pitch thought. _What am I? Their flying pony. _He scrunched his nose in disgust when the Guardians looked disappointed. How dare they even hope he would do such an outrageous thing... Outrageous!...

...

''Fine!'' Pitch exclaimed, making everyone jump.

_Five Minutes Later_

* * *

''Ugh! Why did I agree to do this!?'' Pitch choked out, flapping his wings frantically. His head was craned towards the first rocky landing only a few meters away, but it still seemed too far away. Not to mention that 'his' wings were very painful to use, since he just got them and could barely know how to use them. And North should definitely Go. On. A. _Diet_!

Beneath his feathers, the rest of the Guardians stood staring at each other in awkwardness.

''Soooooo,'' Jack started, clasping his hands in front of him, ''You guys want to go out for ice cream after all this?''

Tooth and Sandy rolled their eyes in unison and turned their backs to him to talk to each other, something secret Jack wasn't allowed to know.

Bunny licked his fur, then slowly looked up to him. He said in a serious tone, ''We tell no one of this.''

_''Call him a bloody wombat.''_

''Why?'' Jack asked.

_''Just do it.''_

''Bloody... wombat?''

*crash* *thump* *choke*

''What is going on down there?'' North voiced his worries, eying the floor warily.

''I can't hold it!'' Pitch suddenly screeched, ''I'm gonna fall!''

''Pitch!'' North screamed out, ''Don't!''

But Pitch had already let go.

He thought he was just gonna fly away into the sunrise, free of the heavy burden that was his enemy, with wind in his feathers and wings working perfectly as they always worked on Tooth. Even the sun, the merciless ball of fire, smiled down at him. He would make this work. He would make it out and-

He did not expect for the giant old fart to grab his legs and take him down with him.

''Ahhhhhh!'' Pitch's scream became quieter and quieter, until there was a loud crash at the end. The Guardians winced.

''So much for plan B,'' Jack voiced with a grimace, Bunny's filthy paw grasping his neck.

North got up, shaking off his fur and nonchalantly looking at his friends.

''Any more of ideas?'' he asked with a sheepish smile. The rest of the Guardians leaned forward a bit, Jack and Bunny looking curiously even with Bunny's hand around the former winter spirit's neck. They winced more violently when they realized that Pitch cushioned North's fall. The fairy didn't move, motionless face that had a look of horror stuck to it frozen and his wings folded beside him.

''Umm...''

''Don't you dare,'' Bunny said before Jack could speak his thoughts out loud again, letting go of his neck and walking over to the fallen spirit of Memories. Jack shrugged off the leaves that stuck to him after the small fight, and rubbed his sore neck in disdain.

Bunny nudged the body with his foot. No reaction.

''I got nothing,'' Bunny exclaimed, spreading his arms and then clamping them to his side, his eyes going hopefully to the rest.

Tooth opened her mouth, and then closed it. She did this a few more times before averting her gaze to the suddenly interesting grass beneath her. North stupidly stared at Bunny, before he too found the grass interesting. Sandy shamelessly turned his back to them and Jack wasn't even listening to the former Guardian of Hope, too busy yawning off to the side.

''We're done,'' Bunny said.

''Well great, this can't get any worse,'' Tooth squeaked out, crossing her golden arms over her chest.

''Ugh, guys''-Jack shifted his blue pair of eyes to the deformed Guardians-''How are we gonna do our jobs like this?''

''I stand corrected,'' Tooth breathed out.

''Okay, listen up, my deformed friends!'' North yelled, nearing the Pooka and pushing him away from his 'leader spot'. He turned to his surprised friends and crouched down on his long, back legs while shaking his hands (front paws?) at them, ''You can't lose hope so quickly like this! We are Guardians. We must overcome anything that comes our way. Even if it means death, we shall protect the children of the world! Now are ya with me!?''

''Yeah!'' the three Guardians yelled out, greeting their new leader with fists in the air.

''No,'' Pitch mumbled from his spot on the floor, mouth not moving but the words still coming out in the form of a whine.

''Now we are gonna get into that palace!'' North continued.

''Yeah!'' the rest of the Guardians exclaimed.

''Then we are gonna get mah' sleigh!''

''Yeah!''

''And we're gonna get to that North Pole!''

''Yeah!'' they all cheered, clapping and laughing at the sudden rush of hope, North triumphantly holding out his right paw while his left was on his lap in pride.

* * *

''One. Two. Three. Now!'' the Guardians yelled in unison, throwing Jack in air and watching as he came half-way up, then fell back down. They caught him with their intertwined arms, disappointed, but not discouraged. They repeated the process a few more times, noticing how Jack got higher after each try. But on the eighth, Jack reached the maximum height, which was three meters away from the first landing. Two tries later, they gave up.

Pitch sat close to them, hands on knees and in a meditating pose with closed eyes. The only proof he had taken a fall (and got crushed) was a small bluish bruise on his right eye and a few scrapes on his cheeks, but other than that, he looked well.

''You aren't going to achieve anything with that,'' he said, and took a deep breath. Jack cocked a dark eyebrow at him.

''Sure, zen master. Anymore of your never-ending wisdom.''

Pitch opened one eye to look at him. ''Zip up your pants.''

Jack opened his mouth to retort something, then realized his robes were twisted and his pants exposed, revealing that he had black underwear beneath his clothes.

He hurriedly zipped up and commented with a disgusted expression, ''Ewww, we switched underwear!''

Pitch opened both his eyes in anger to look at him in offense. ''Don't be disgusting.''

''If you two don't learn to cooperate-'' Tooth started in a bored tone, tired of constantly being the one to stop fights, but was interrupted by a nearby squeak. The six of them didn't move for the sake of not breaking the silence. The squeak reiterated. The gang looked behind Golden Tooth and Colored Sandy, to see three small mini-fairies.

A staring contest between the spirits gathered began. Not long after though, Tooth ran to them and plucked them out of air to cradle them close to her chest. A series of sounds unknown to spirits ensued.

The Guardians stood by and Pitch watched the reunitiation with fresh curiosity. Then in confusion as he heard them speak.

_''Why is the Queen golden?''_

_''Don't know, is she our Queen at all?''_

_''You guys of course she is! Look at her.''_

_''I'm not so sure, but the fact that she's cuddling may mean something.''_

_''Shush, don't let her hear us.''_

''My babies, my poor sweet babies, are you alright?'' Tooth squeaked out, letting them out of her embrace and to buzz in front of her. They looked to each other and back at her.

_''We are but why are you golden?''_ the mini-fairy in the middle asked/squeaked.

A few moments passed before Tooth gasped and took a step backward.

''I don't understand them.''

Bunny blew air through his nose in frustration. ''Great.''

Pitch closed his gaping mouth and looked anywhere else but at the mini-fairies, tucking in the secret deep in his mind.

''Nothing to worry about,'' Jack said, approaching Tooth and putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder, ''They still understand us, so we can just tell them to-''

The mini-fairies squeaked indignantly. Jack ducked for cover beneath the golden Guardian.

Tooth sighed.

''My hero... Listen, girls.'' She turned to them and tried to gesture as much as possible. ''It is round and it has this swirling magic in it. You'll know it as soon as you see it. Look in the kitchen first.''

''Toothy,'' North said, ''Kitchen is the last place they should be looking for! They should look at my study, the factory, the boiler room or-or maybe the-''

At the looks the Guardians gave him, sans Pitch who was looking out at the castle, he silenced himself.

''The kitchen, da?''

The fairies didn't have to be told twice, as they saluted their Queen and fled off without sparing a single glance at the deformity of their Queen's friends. When other fairies came to check up on the Guardians, out of wondering mostly, Pitch was respectfully ignored. Though the incident of what happened between the former Boogeyman and the fairies, burned at the back of their little heads with the same intensity it burned at the back of Pitch's.

The snow globe was finally retrieved.

The Guardians smiled brightly as the two fairies carrying it barely reached them because of its weight. For North it was as light as a feather, though the fairies almost fell to the ground in exhaustion when he snatched the ball from them.

''Finally!'' The Guardians cheered shortly for the small victory. One task down, two to go; contact MiM and change themselves back.

Jack warily thought of what the Guardians' reactions would be when he told them whose fault it really was that they were like this.

''Was it in the kitchen?'' Bunny laughed out, more to make a joke to ease the tension among them than to offend.

One of the two fairies squeaked out, _''It was on the cookie plate as a decoration.''_

Pitch snorted out loud, then covered his mouth with his hand. Briefly, the Guardians looked at him. But dismissed the crazy spirit in favor of eying the glowing snow globe in North's gray paw with appreciation.

''Take us,'' he said, waited a few seconds for emphasis, smirking at his friends as they smiled from ear to ear, then leaned into the snow globe to whisper, ''to North Pole.''

It didn't take long before the magic in the ball spun and revealed an image. North didn't look at it, for he threw it immediately in front of him. The two fairies scattered about and flew away.

''Let's go!'' Bunny yelled and in a long few strides, he was gone.

A few glances were spared, before the Guardians lunged for the closing, colorful tear in space. Pitch himself lingered only a few seconds more, and it was only to stare at the fairies. The fairies narrowed their eyes at the fairy, and Pitch merely smirked.

* * *

The wind howled and the snow shifted every moment or so, throwing itself into their eyes and making everything look strange and otherworldly through the blurry image. Cold seeped into their bones almost immediately after they landed on the top of the snow-covered terrain.

Bunny's first reaction would have been to curse his very existence, knowing how he hated the cold. But he was not affected by it. Behind him his friends, and an enemy, coughed and pushed snow around as they got up. The force of the teleport left them disoriented as if they were still in that strange cave from which they woke. The identical snow on the ground was not telling them whether they had moved or were still facing the same patch of white.

Yet Bunny stood motionless on the snow in front of them, his back turned, awfully silent.

North breathed in the air and winced at the cold. He did not like it one bit. The thought of not liking snow didn't strike him as strange until he wanted to put his hands in his pockets and realized, alas, he didn't have anything on him. Just his fur and a sense of dignity to hide his bare skin.

Tooth and Sandy huddled closer together, and closer to North, while Jack and Pitch kept their distances, seemingly unaffected by the cold. At least Jack, who stared at Bunny with a cocked eyebrow. Pitch visibly started shivering not long after the Guardians gathered their wits, and he had to close in on himself and grab his arms, teeth clattering from the cold. He did not like it one bit.

The two rabbits united at the end of the cliff, Bunny and North, which Jack only noticed now. When North loudly started sucking in overly deep breaths, the four of them joined the standing duo.

The sight before them caught them unprepared, and all Jack could say was, ''Holy mother of MiM.''

''Honored Tsarina,'' Bunny subconsciously whispered.


	5. The Deal

Pairing: N/A (will change)  
Genre: Humor, Parody  
Rating: T (for swearing, no smut)  
Word Count: 2,159

Chapter 5 - The Deal Has Been Made

* * *

The Workshop's exterior buildings, once proud structures with Watch Towers, the Guardian Hall, the Meeting Room, hundreds of bedrooms and dozens of kitchens, was in ruins. Pieces scattered about, littering the white ground with color. The never-ending slopes of snow and mountains stood undisturbed with the massacre of bricks and wood that were strewn everywhere. Occasionally there was a whole toy sticking out of the snow, maybe a not scratched bed frame here and there, but other than that, everything was in ruins all around that one side of the hill. The Workshop, a truly magnificent building, remained standing over the same hill overlooking the silent chaos, despite what happened to its outer parts.

North feared the worst, even as he stood in his study with his friends and enemy.

''What happened there?'' Jack asked, approaching North overlooking the snow through the big window.

''Spirits,'' Tooth hissed hatefully, sand falling off her, supposedly in anger, ''They must somehow know that we are weak. Everyone likes to use everyone when they're down.''

''But,'' Bunny said, looking down at his white paws, ''How did they know that we are like this?''

A short silence followed, but was soon broken by North's sigh.

''It can't be this obvious, but I think I know who did this,'' he mumbled. Sandy and Tooth exchanged glances, while Bunny gave North a funny look.

''Doesn't matter,'' the white rabbit announced, eying North with the strange look, ''We can help you fix this North when we figure a way to change us back.''

_''_If_ we figure it out,''_ Sandy thought somberly.

''_When_,'' Bunny reiterated.

Pitch stood at the back of the study, looking at the toys lining the shelves during their discussion. There was food, as expected, and the wonder and colors of everything made him sick. Though, he couldn't help but be a little impressed by the ice creation that stood on North's desk. He couldn't recall it being there the last time he was here, but then again, he had only looked around North's Workshop briefly.

''Not that I'm cold or anything,'' Jack said, following Pitch's stare, ''But if we stay here much longer I'll turn into a Pitchsicle.''

Pitch looked at him in disbelief, eyes wide in surprise. ''We're not switching names, _Frost_!''

Jack winced at his tone, but soon relaxed, feeling confidence overpowering him. The people at the back of his mind whispered insidiously about ''having fun'' and ''why don't you lighten the mood around''. He ignored them and followed his instincts.

''Why not, Jacky.''' Jack shook his head comically at the mostly dark spirit. ''How are we supposed to make puns if we switched powers yet didn't switch names?'' The new Boogeyman smiled at the black bird.

Pitch's eyes went absolutely mad, and not long after, he lunged for the smiling spirit. Bunny's mighty hand got in the way.

''There, there,'' he crooned to the annoyed spirit as Jack blew a raspberry at him.

Pitch stopped his struggles and looked distastefully at the former Guardian of Hope holding him. All they did these last few hours since they woke up, which felt like days, was complain about everything and be confused. Both the Boogeyman and the Guardians had had enough of fights and snarky comments. They had to fix the mess and bring forth the delicate relationship they had with each other.

Pitch smoothed down his feathers, every black, slick feather that stuck out at a weird angle was roughly put back into place. After Bunny moved his smeared hand from Pitch in distaste and Pitch stared at the snow bunny. A silent agreement came to be at that moment, when Bunny moved away and started for the lounge.

Eventually even North moved away from the window, prying his eyes off the destruction, and walked to the lounge with his friends and Pitch, where the unnanounced meeting should be held.

Sandy and North took their places on a couch, gazing at the fire, while Tooth and Bunny seated themselves in their respective chairs near the duo. Jack didn't want to join them, standing alone near the fire and thinking through their conversations.

Pitch walked in front of the couch and chairs, turning his back to Jack. He gathered his wits and took a deep breath. Their alliance was to be questioned, their deformity given a clear answer and their relationship - enemy and friend - to be confirmed.

But suddenly, when Pitch opened his mouth to speak calmy, there was a noise from a nearby room. Something like...

Static.

Curious, Jack turned around to the nearest door, and took a few steps in that direction. Pitch listened to the static as well, before confirming Jack's doubts.

''You have a television. What a _wonder_, North. I thought you were too _old_-fashioned for it.''

The sitting four glanced at him in annoyance, North in quickly gathering anger. But before anyone could say anything more, there was suddenly a very clear voice that came from the said television, although muffled by the closed door.

''This is spirit realm evening news! And today we have April Fools as our hostess. Here she comes..''

Now a different voice.

''Good evening! And now we're gonna go ahead and tell you why your world might crumble this very day.''

The Guardians and Pitch immediately went for the door, tripping over chairs and knocking down some of the toys. They were lucky that every yeti in the Workshop was outside, trying to put back the buildings again, otherwise they would have pushed the poor helpers over the railing and down the numerous levels of the Workshop.

All six of them sat in front of the ancient-looking television, which had green patterns and a natural, jungle feel to it. The Spirit World might be as ancient as humans themselves, perhaps even more so, but instead of keeping to themselves, their worlds were connected and information was always easy to access in case of a disaster.

April Fools was on the television, the brunette smiling giddily despite the news she was about to give.

''Today we have come to a serious imbalance in our world, and people, this is nothing that will pass quickly. Trust me, it's not April yet!'' There were various of laughs behind her. The Guardians all groaned in annoyance.

''Come on,'' Pitch said, scooting over to the tv, and grabbing it with both hands in impatience. He shook it a bit, ''Get on with it!'' Sadly; The Guardians didn't object.

''The humans, our source of power and belief, are dying rapidly throughout the entire world. This month has been nothing but death! That old attention-diva needs a beating.'' Again the laughs behind her multiplied at the her pun. The Guardians stared in anger at the screen, while Pitch narrowed his eye at the Trickster.

''If she tells a joke, one more time...'' he dangerously whispered, his threat left unsaid.

But April was soon pushed out of the way by another spirit, more serious looking, although with a lot of similarities to April. The deformed spirits chuckled out of relief. March Springs was a person both direct and serious.

''As my sister has mentioned,'' she started, glancing at the never serious spirit, ''This month the Keepers have noticed a serious imbalance in both our worlds. Death has increased, there have been new floods and the draining of more than a dozen rivers for no obvious reason. If things don't change...'' The Guardians and Pitch listened intently.

''I fear the humans may be in a great danger.''

The television went off, leaving the spirits in silence.

* * *

He listened to them fighting again, just as he did in the cavern some hours ago. Only this time he was thankful that it was only verbal. They were arguing about some ''Keepers'' and ''the Balance'' and he might even have overheard Pitch mention realms and dark spirits. After just ten to fifteen minutes, the Guardians deflated and walked around the couches and chairs in front of the fire place in anticipation, but no one moved to either sit or rest. Sans Pitch, who reclined in the main armchair with his hand laying defeated on his face. He couldn't even bare to look at the Guardians anymore; they were giving him a headache.

''This is useless,'' Jack breathed out, his head thrown backwards to the ceiling as he crouched next to the fire place, ''We are all gonna lose our believers, and have to live under a rock and learn how to eat rats.''

Pitch lowered his hands to roll his eyes at them. Bunny gave him an angry glance.

''You think this is nothing?'' he pointed his finger accusingly at him, ''This is your problem too.''

''Actually, no,'' Pitch added, still slumped in the armchair, ''It isn't. If I lose all my believers, I won't fade away. You, however will.''

Jack looked at Pitch in puzzlement, bouncing slightly on his feet to turn to him as the fire cast an orange shade upon his face.

''Then why are you doing this?'' he asked. Pitch remained silent.

''Why don't you just wait until we fade away and turn back to normal?'' Jack truthfully asked, and North shook his head at the silly idea.

''Because, Jack,'' Pitch snarkily said, straightening in his place and grasping the arms of the chair, ''I actually _care_ about the balance in the world, unlike you people who only care about children's death. Upps, correction, their _happiness_.''

''Hey! Hey!'' Bunny furiously cut in, ''Don't you dare say anything about children't happiness! You scare people for a living!''

''At least I make a useful living!''

''Stop it! All of you!'' Tooth screeched, putting herself between all of them, for the thousandth time that long day, ''Don't you see what this spell is doing to us!? We can't succumb to this!''

''Watch me,'' Pitch said, straightening more and subconsciously raising his non-existent sleeves.

_''What if we just did each other's jobs?''_ Sandy said nonchalantly during their another fight preparation.

Sandy's statement now held everyone's attention. When it was obvious Sandy wasn't going to continue, North gave him a look that said ''go on''. Everyone listened and waited.

Sandy startled a bit before repeating himself,_ ''What if we just did each other's jobs?''_

Followed by short silence, the Guardians pondered on the statement. Pitch watched the former Sandman intently, leaning on his right arm on the armchair, wondering himself if the idea was totally genius or completely insane.

''It is the only way to bring back the balance,'' Tooth finally said and shrugged her golden shoulders.

''Just until we reach Manny,'' North nodded, agreeing, ''Till full moon, no?''

Bunny muttered, ''The full moon was yesterday, I think, so a few weeks wouldn't hurt,'' He looked to his friends, ''The only choice we have, lest we disturb the Balance further.''

''You're all insane!'' Pitch countered their comments, standing up abruptly and walking to the fire place. He pushed Jack away and stared at the fire, ''We know nothing about each other. _You_ know nothing about each other let alone that I know anything about your daily jobs. Vice versa.''

The Guardians's enthusiasm decreased, but soon enough Jack stepped in, ''Don't give up.''

He picked himself up from the floor and smiled at his friends, glancing grudgingly at Pitch. ''If we try, teach each other our jobs, help each other, we could keep up this Balance long enough until we can contact Man in Moon.''

Pitch was calm, his eyes unreadable as he stared at Jack. Tooth looked at Pitch with determination, but there was a pleading hint to it. ''We agreed to an alliance. Though it may not be formal, it still holds you to cooperate with us. Help me keep my believers and-'

''In return, we help you keep the fear running,'' Bunny gritted his teeth, ''As much as it pains me to say it.''

Pitch said nothing, looking toward the rest of the group. North dipped his head in a nod, Sandy just smiled and Jack just watched him with anticipation.

''What do you say?'' Jack asked, holding out his hand in the name of all Guardians, ''You agree?''

There was not a single breathing to be heard, as the silence waited patiently for Pitch's reply. Outside the cozy area, the snow beat against the windows, howling; the only disturbance. A few moments had passed before the decision was made.

The dark spirit stretched his arm out and accepted Jack's hand with a shake.

''I'm looking forward to regretting this.''


	6. Part One: Complications

**This is the longest chapter I've had so far xD**

Pairing: N/A (will change)  
Genre: Humor, Parody  
Rating: T (for swearing, no smut)  
Word Count: 6,084

Chapter 6 - Part One: Complications

* * *

Pitch Black, the Nightmare King or Dark King, the Boogeyman, the spirit of darkness and shadows and fear, _the_ Monster, was a terrifying creature. He may not look like it from afar, maybe not even up close from a telescope's point of view. But certainly, and without a doubt, if you met him, you would freeze in fear and stare. The feeling of dread accompanying him was constant and absolute.

Though he did not expect to find himself in a situation even remotely close to this, anywhere that was further away from scaring people really, he knew he could handle it, somehow. He of course also found that his life was ever so full of surprises. Mostly unpleasant. Then again, he couldn't really expect for that little twat of a winter spirit to cast a spell so powerful upon them. None the less, spreading fear had been his job since his oldest memory.

It was one thing to be watching the whole process of teeth collecting, heck, he even liked to see that those good-for-nothing fairies were actually good for something. It was another small thing to walk around the Palace a bit to 'check up' on the progress.

_It's a totally another thing_, he thought as he rubbed his forehead in exasperation,_ To have to direct dozens and dozens of fairies and help with the restoration of the memories._

''So this is where the teeth are held, see.'' The golden fairy offered a container, shaking it a bit for the former Boogeyman to hear the teeth rattling inside. ''My fairies put the memories here in their respective places after collecting the teeth... But you probably already know that.'' A slightly accusing look was directed at him.

''Why do I have to know this?'' Pitch whined and stomped his foot.

She had been talking for the last hour non-stop about the seven columns and where the containers were, and where the coins and pennies of different values of countries were. Then about her fairies for a good few minutes, then about her chambers and rooms, then finally they arrived at the subject of the containers themselves. He felt like he knew the woman too well for her to be his enemy without it being awkward. All he wanted was peace and quiet for at least a moment to gather his scattered thoughts. The mere fact that it was never quiet at Tooth's palace only agitated him further.

The new Guardian of Dreams cocked an eyebrow at him, golden feet firmly planted on the ground. ''It's your job now until there's a full moon again. Or at least when we see the moon when the sky clears up.''

''Again, it's not my fault the sky is so dark,'' he protested at another of her slightly accusing looks, ''I'm telling you, something big is coming.''

The look vanished and she smiled at him, throwing the container. He barely caught it, and stared at her in dismay.

''Open it.''

He looked down at the golden box, then back at her. ''Why would I do that?''

''Just do it,'' she said, putting her hands on her hips and still smiling. The Boogeyman sighed.

''Very well.'' He gave in to her hopeful look.

He put his elegant hand on the top of the box, after briefly checking out the picture of the child. Some blonde girl with dimples and too much freckles. At first, nothing happened. Pitch waited a minute, then looked at Tooth with a scowl. ''I can't.''

She was no longer smiling, but looked concerned, hands at her hip clenching into tight fists. ''Do you want to know the memories?''

The former Boogeyman blinked at her, holding the container in his hands and with an expressionless face.

He blinked once, twice when she raised an eyebrow again, and then the third time, when the golden woman sighed out in exaggeration.

''If you don't want to know, then you can still open it with the right thoughts. What are you thinking?'' She spread out her right hand toward him, holding it out hopefully, the other one loosening up a bit at her hip.

''I'm thinking how this is useless,'' he deadpanned. Tooth shook her head with a stern frown.

''If you want to open the memories, you must share a memory of your own. Of something happy,'' she lectured. Pitch looked thoughtful, searching for such a moment in his mind. Tooth proposed with an annoyed voice that matched her rolling eyes, ''Like that time you nearly wiped us out.''

''Ah''-the Boogeyman leaned back against thin air, smiling-''Good times.''

The golden Guardian shook her head with a chuckle. ''Good luck,'' she said, and clumsily formed a few dream trails. Not big enough for her to sit on but big enough for her to walk on them and move around. Sandy had taught her that trick, but she hadn't perfected it.

''Wait!'' Pitch called after her, getting into air as clumsily as she was walking on mere threads hundreds of meters above ground. He moved with ease, hummingbird-like wings carefully controlled and put to good use. He had learned how to control them when he took it slow, but he still had great trouble when it came to flying faster, and he doubted he would ever learn to fly faster than a small toddler crawling.

''What if your fairies die?'' he said, looking at her clumsily walk the threads like an entertainer in a circus.

''They won't unless you grin at them.''

''What am I supposed to do with them?'' he protested, motioning toward a dozen fairies that gathered around them, expecting something. Pitch was hoping they didn't expect anything from him.

''They're not toys,'' Tooth said, annoyed, ''They'll continue doing their job as long you don't-'' She almost fell, but gathered enough threads to push her back up before she fell to her doom. ''For heaven's sake, Boogeyman! If you can corrupt the children of the world and almost drown it in darkness, you can handle a few fairies!''

She propelled herself forward and jumped on a golden cloud, her defiance burning and strong. The cloud was as wide as a normal-sized pillow, and thin as paper. Good enough for her to sit comfortably and slowly move forward with hands at her sides, like she was paddling. She could make this work, if only she had more lessons with Sandy, but he was too busy getting taught by North what to do. She sincerely hoped Bunny and Jack were doing better, considering how Bunny hated the cold times.

She finally made it out of the cave and started moving just a bit faster. _I can do this, I will do this,_ she chanted to herself, over and over so she didn't hear her more negative thoughts buzzing around her head like her wings used to.

The Boogeyman stayed at the exit, hovering above ground with the constant sound of his buzzing wings. His tail feathers lowered so they hung like a drapery below him, and his main, snow white feather raised itself of its own accord, as if in wonder at the sandy woman moving defiantly forward.

He turned back toward a handful of fairies staring at him, mostly in hatred.

He sneered at them. ''What are you looking at?''

The fairies were silent, staring angrily, some of them with their tiny arms crossed over their chest and annoyed little eyes. The black fairy in charge scoffed, and clapped his hands a few times whilst saying, ''Back to work, chop, chop!''

_Burgess_

* * *

''Cold, cold, cold,'' Bunny muttered beneath his breath as Jack droned on and on about his job.

''-that's why you only need to do it on these parts-''

''Snow, so much snow,'' Bunny continued to mutter, hating the weather which thankfully didn't infect him, ''Cold, cold, cold, snow, cold, snow, let it go... Let it go-''

''Bunny, are you listening?'' Jack's voice snapped him out of his mutters, and he turned his innocent green eyes to Jack's blue ones. The former winter sprite gave him a thoughtful frown, his greyish lips thinning. Bunny nodded his head with an enthusiastic smile. He remembered Jack saying something about 'smiles' and 'laughs'.

Jack crossed his arms over his chest. ''Alright then. What was I talking about?''

Bunny spent the next awkward two minutes staring at the used-to-be winter sprite. His mouth opened occasionally, then closed as he looked down to his snow white feet. He eyed them for a few seconds, tapping a foot nonchalantly, then brushed off an invisible snowflake from his white fur (not that the snowflake would be seeable on his fur even if it was there). He clenched and unclenched his paw, and finally looked back to the frowning, patience-losing new Boogeyman who kept his annoyed gaze on him.

''Should I repeat?'' Jack said and painfully accentuated every word in the sentence, annoyed eyes lingering.

Bunny gave him an awkward smile. ''Please?''

The former Guardian of Fun was left to repeat the last ten minutes of talking, after sighing in exaggerated annoyance for a good few seconds. He made sure Bunny was listening the first two minutes, careful of the new Guardian of Fun. But eventually he got lost again in talking about snow-bringing and occasional snow-ball fights, that he didn't even notice when Bunny drifted off into a random daydream again.

The former Easter Bunny stared off into distance, imaging fields and fields -

Of carrots.

Just like in his fantasies, and Warren. His mouth thinned a little at the memory of the lush garden, and the warmth of it. Hundreds upon hundreds of eggs, and paint, and flowers and stone structures. But mostly carrots caught his attention. It was no secret that Bunny liked carrots, especially carrot cake. He even grew them in his garden. Then again, he grew a lot of things in his garden.

He saw the carrot.

No, it couldn't be a carrot. Bunny's eyes adjusted to his surroundings, snapping out of his dream-like state.

The hills that surrounded them could be only described as moist. Just like the forests; they lost their green shine to replace it with the shine of dew and water droplets that created a colorful illusion when the sun hit them at the right angle. The ground was muddy from constant rain -Autumn had outdone himself this year- and the wildlife was scarce. The ground on which Bunny and Jack stood uncomfortably, mud getting on Jack's slim black shoes and Bunny's snowy feet, was an indicator to just how dead the forest around them was. Even the usually lively forest of Burgess wanted to sleep.

But that carrot, a lively orange color, making Bunny's mouth water, stood there all self-righteous and smug, as if taunting him - _''Oh, yeah. You like what you see? You want it?''_

Bunny nodded subconsciously, ears twitching in confusion as he stared, not unlike a wolf stares at an unprotected lamb.

He was tired. So tired of all the snow talk, and it was November. By an unspoken rule, he was supposed to be sleeping off most of his days, only occasionally going out for a run outside, and maybe even checking his gardens from time to time.

Not this, not the stupid spell which was threatening to change them all into something they were never meant to be.

And that carrot knew it.

''The snow mostly keeps coming by itself. There are, after all, other spirits like me that do this job. I'm not that alone you know. Well, actually, I didn't really hang out much with them, because... You know, spirits tend to be lonesome creatures if their element calls for it... But yeah, I wasn't _completely_ alone... And here I am, talking about myself. Sorry, Bunny, where was I-?''

Jack turned around, and realized he was talking to thin air. He let his discolored eyelids flutter closed over his blue orbs.

_This is going to be one looooong month._

* * *

He had been tracking the damned thing throughout the forest the entire noon, and it was starting to get dark.

_The carrot is on the move. I repeat, the carrot is on the move!_ Bunny yelled at himself, as if that would make him speed up. But he was already going as fast as he could, snow white fur stained with brown and occasional green. He had just had a bath at North's, right before he left with Jack to Burgess. It was for naught.

Someone around here must be playing a joke on him, and Bunny was far past the joke; he was going to kill whoever dared to tease him with that carrot, then eat the carrot _and_ the spirit.

He came to the colorful clearing, and tripped over a few sturdy flowers; he face-planted.

Spitting out grass and the colorful things, he vehemently scowled at the scenery. The meadow was filled with flowers, varying colors that were all light. The darkest shade of flower was light grey, and Bunny had to blink a few times to be certain that he was seeing what he was seeing - a lovely expanse of spring in the cold November afternoon. The clearing was full of sunshine, and fun and laughter could be felt in the air like a seeable substance - the clearing was full of life, and one laughing, mischievous spirit of Spring.

Bunny's eyes narrowed dangerously at the brown-haired, loud-laughing youth with eyes the color of rainbow.

She didn't stop laughing, even when she saw that Bunny was staring her down like he wanted nothing more than to put his furry paws around her neck and squeeze until all fun left her childish mind. In fact, she only threw her head back and let out a particularly obnoxious laugh.

''Oh, you-'' Bunny almost swore, before April interrupted him abruptly.

''This is priceless,'' she barely wheezed out past her constant laughter, eyes brimming with tears of joy, ''Bunny likes carrots! Who knew!?''

She stomped her feet against the flowers, non-existent wind making her braided hair and Bunny's fur go from one side to the other. Bunny bristled though, and his eyes turned a murderous shade, despite being the color of dark green.

''Ah!'' He flung himself forward, but landed just a few feet away from April.

When she didn't stop chuckling, he jumped again - only this time he couldn't. He looked down with a questioning whine, staring at his body, submerged in the flowers.

The flowers were hiding mud that trapped his body in its strong grip. A sense of terrible deja vu overcame him. This was just like the time Pitch caught him in the vines.

_April,_ his mind hissed in anger as he looked up.

She stopped laughing, but a stupid grin broke over her face, and she lightly took her steps back toward the dead, dark woods.

''April, you little sneak!'' Bunny bellowed, clawing his way over to her. The mud was strong, but if he put enough back into it, he could slowly make his way over to her.

But with each clawing and digging his way to her - a Bunny step - April took two small steps back. ''Here, here, little Fluffy,'' she teased, smile unwavering, ''If you come over here, _real fast_, I'll give you a certain orange treat.''

It only made Bunny grunt louder and in more rage than he felt since the Boogeyman.

By the time Bunny was half way to April, she was standing right in front of the Autumn woods, their trees sporting little to no leaves, some of them falling off and onto the spirit of Spring and Fun.

''Looks like,'' she chuckled out, ''I win our little game. Ta-ta, love.''

But as she turned, Bunny's growls and mostly empty threats echoing behind her, she froze.

At first the Easter Bunny didn't even notice it, until his upper torso was no longer in mud and he was just about two meters away from the offending spirit. He stopped his struggles, and scowling, to peer around April to see what she was staring at, anger subsiding just a little to make way to curiosity.

Her arms twitched, and her knees almost invisibly buckled, the sudden emotion that grasped her making her panicked breaths loud enough for Bunny to hear. He stared at her, as she took a careful, deliberate step backward, toward him.

His anger deflated like a balloon, and not seeing what she was staring at - just barren trees and quiet wind - he spoke to her. ''April, you alright?''

When April turned her stunned eyes to Bunny, he startled at the haunting fear in them.

''Bunny, I'm sorry,'' she said, Bunny's own resolve starting to shatter at how serious the spirit looked. April was never one to be serious unless in life-threatening situations, and even in those, she would turn the situation into laughs and jokes. She whispered something, lips moving slowly as if under water.

Bunny looked over her again, and saw that dozens and dozens of fireflies, glowing an eerie yellow color, scattered about. April was afraid of fireflies? Well, wasn't that a laughable fact.

''We have to go. Now,'' April whispered vehemently. But Bunny was too perplexed to answer her fearful look.

They were just fireflies? Bunny looked from her eyes to the woods again, still not getting it.

And then he saw it.

They were not fireflies, but _eyes_. Dozens and dozens of glowing, amber eyes, moving closer and resembling fireflies less and less. _Nightmares_, Bunny thought with a scowl, as the apparitions approached. April inched closer to Bunny, her form shivering, and the skies ahead darkened a little despite that the meadow boasted light and sunshine. Nightmares were feral creatures, almost as feral as the one controlling them. And April _really_ didn't want to see the Boogeyman up close.

It was one thing to spread rumors and talk about him behind his back, but close up, she was down for the count.

''Go, April,'' Bunny hissed out. April turned her scared eyes to the Guardian of Hope.

''Bunny, no,'' she started, but the snow Pooka cut her off.

''I'll be fine,'' he growled, producing a wooden staff out of seemingly nowhere but his own fur, ''I know how to deal with these.''

At first April could only stare in wonder at the snow bunny, wondering if his fur was so fluffy that you could hide things in there, before she turned to the snorting and approaching nightmares. They looked at her hungrily, and she knew her fear riled them up

''Good luck, Bunny,'' she said, and then turned to him, an uneasy smile on her lips, ''It was always good knowing you.''

''What!?'' Bunny screeched at her pep talk. April was already bolting out of the field.

He stared at the spot he last saw her, at the edge of the woods, before composing himself and looking back at the nightmares. They've stopped their predatory walking, and just looked on as their food escaped into the woods, color vanishing a little from the meadow at her leaving. Then the few dozens of nightmares turned their glowing eyes to Bunny.

The White Pooka clutched Jack's (his?) staff. He thought he wouldn't need it, but as it turned out, he would use it. And he would use it well.

He shifted in the mud, grunting as he pulled his legs free, all the while the nightmares stared at him, a few of them stomping their hooves against the ground. The former Guardian of Hope narrowed his eyes at them and took out his staff, leveling it at the creations of corrupted dream sand.

The nightmares screeched and the front row got up on its hind legs, as if remembering the wretched thing which once destroyed a big portion of their sisters.

''Oh, yeah, you remember,'' Bunny growled and smiled wickedly, despite that half his body was covered in mud.

As his will to defeat the nightmares grew, so did the glow on the staff. The light blue peeked out from the wood, and Bunny felt the power surging through his white paw that clutched it and into his very being. He almost felt _hungry_ for it. It was addicting, and Bunny raised the staff as the nightmares panicked, a few of them running away while the rest snorted and stomped their feet. He was ready for a fight, and so were they.

He almost laughed as he put in all his strength and brought the powerful staff down onto the ground, feeling the so called buzz of it. Ice spread like fire, and the sound of it breaking through the floor was deafening. Bunny felt the rush of energy and his entire body felt like it froze at the tremors of the ice.

And then he realized it did.

Blinking stupidly, he gazed down at his furry body.

Ice stared back at him innocently.

''What,'' he whispered, looking at the ice which was just up to his neck, allowing him to move his head but not anything else. He looked to his staff, and saw his paw and arm were frozen, still clutching the staff which was otherwise normal and not covered in the blue-white substance.

Bunny turned his gaze at the nightmares, which were now making loud, rough noises. At first they moved around in such a manner, he thought they were readying for battle while he was weak. But the noises - scratchy, constant and very much loud - grated against his ears, making him try to flatten them against his head - only to realize he couldn't move them too much. The cold (no pun intended) realization washed over him.

They were _laughing_.

''You beasts!'' Bunny screeched, but the nightmares continued to stomp around, heads lowered and snorting shamelessly, sands shifting. Some of them leaned their snouts against the barren trees and produced sounds like chuckling. ''Stupid animals!''

And to only make matters worse, his staff dropped from his frozen paw, and clinked against the ground. Silence reigned for but a few seconds, before the nightmares started laughing again, ten times more grotesque. A few of them even collapsed to the floor, rolling around.

Bunny's cheeks felt frozen too, until he realized he was furiously blushing. This couldn't get any worse.

''Bunny?'' The White Pooka turned his head to his left, where from up behind his shoulder, blue eyes stared back at him in disbelief. ''What did you do?''

_Well apparently it could._

The new Boogeyman quickly chuckled, but clasped a hand over his mouth as if to conceal it.

''Don't you dare, Frost,'' Bunny threatened, raising an eyebrow in warning and cocking his head.

''Bunny,'' Jack barely choked out, hand tightening around his mouth and eyes not leaving the former Guardian of Hope, ''It looks like _you_ are the one who's Frost_ed_, here.''

It was all it took for their youngest member to burst out laughing. He fell to the ground, legs kicking in the air, making his black robe billow around him. He kept pointing his ashen finger at Bunny, who stared ahead and refused to look at the new dark spirit. He couldn't be more embarrassed than he already was.

_Rose to power then fell like a_ loser, Bunny miserably thought,_ Can't believe this was how Pitch felt when we defeated him._

But at least only the children laughed then, and they weren't even directly laughing at the Boogeyman. Bunny snorted, staring at the nightmares, which had calmed down remarkably. Though still a few looked at him and snickered.

''Jack,'' Bunny hissed out and cocked his head to the side, nodding to the beasts. ''The nightmares.''

The former winter sprite wiped tears of joy from his eyes as he got up. A few chuckles wrecked his body before he stared at the nightmares up ahead of them, standing at the edge of the trees, and staring back at him. The mares cocked their heads at him, as if curious and not knowing what they should think of him.

''Now that everyone had a laugh at the bunny,'' the White Pooka growled out, and looked at Jack, ''Take em' out.''

Jack's hands clenched into fists, and he sighed. It would be hard, he knew.

He lifted his hand -

And the nightmares lifted their heads. At first the former Guardian thought they looked up in apprehension of his attack.

But no, he moved his hand to the right, experimentally. And the nightmares followed.

''Coooooool.'' Jack whistled, smiling. He took a few steps to Bunny and whispered in his ear, ''They must think I'm Pitch.''

Bunny rolled his eyes. But then a thought came to his mind, and he smirked. ''Make them kill each other.''

''What!?'' Jack startled and took a few steps backward. ''Ha-ha, Bunny, very funny.''

''I'm not joking,'' Bunny countered and nodded to the nightmares, ''Get rid of em'.''

''No,'' Jack said and determinedly stomped his foot.

When he did, the nightmares copied, startling both the White Pooka and Nightmare Jack. The former Guardian of Fun looked to the mares in disbelief. He then took a few steps back - the nightmares followed him a few paces. Bunny tensed, but Jack soon went forward in a few quick strides, and the nightmares neighed loudly and all but ran back into the woods. They lingered around the trees, staring at Jack and a few them lowered their heads to snort at the ground.

_Submissively_, Jack thought in his stupefied disbelief. And then he did the only thing any other spirit would do, which seemed quite rational at the moment, and would later be proven to be a rush of craziness.

''Opa Gangnam Style!'' he yelled, and dropped down like it were the crazy twenties. All around him, the nightmares stomped and tried to imitate as much of his movements as possible. He was quick and flexible, imitating all moves he had seen other children do, even to this day when the trend had all but vanished. Some horses even climbed on their back legs and jumped about clumsily.

In utter disbelief with his jaw hanging open, Bunny looked on as the crazy spirit and his even crazier horde of nightmares danced.

It took about five minutes, but the rush of craziness that had overcome Jack vanished. And the new Boogeyman laughed out loud as the nightmares hurried to him, pressing their snouts excitedly into Jack.

''Well, aren't you cute?'' he said, warping his voice into a tone you usually used on babies, and brushing his fingers over the sand while the nightmares piled on top of each other and from all sides to get a pat or scratch from their new master. Jack looked to Bunny, ''They're so adorable!''

But Bunny was eying the two stray nightmares in front of him. One was off to the side, sniffing his frozen left paw that once held the staff, while the first one approached him from the front. Bunny growled when the horse's snout came dangerously close to his chin, when it put its knees on his chest and stared at him.

''Rack off, you bloody pony!'' he hissed. The nightmare spat at him, ''Damn it!'' Bunny closed his eyes and felt disgusted at the sandy saliva on his cheek, but could do nothing.

The nightmare whined and got back down on all fours. As it passed, it neighed happily and the second mare followed it, although she gave Bunny a snicker. As if the two horses were saying 'This one's not fun. The other one has treats.'

''Jack, you need to get me out, man!'' Bunny yelled, tired of not being able to move. He gazed with disapproving eyes how Jack patted each and every nightmare in turn, then bent down and picked up a stick among the mostly frozen flowers, and threw it.

Almost every nightmare went after it and the former winter sprite chuckled. ''I see how Pitch could like them.''

''Jack,'' Bunny growled, patience wearing thin.

''Oh fine,'' Jack said, and walked up to him. He picked up the staff on the floor and put it on Bunny, as it started to slowly suck away the ice, but not before commenting, ''Party killer.''

After a few moments though. ''Jack,'' Bunny said, worry lacing his voice and replacing the annoyance that had been there.

''I'm working on it,'' Jack said in exasperation, watching as the ice was melting with the pace of a snail.

''No, Jack,'' Bunny tried again, shaking his head behind Jack. The new Nightmare King looked behind himself with a sigh, and smiled when he saw the nightmares were waiting in rows. He was about to call them, when -

_Mommy?_

_What the-_ Jack couldn't finish the thought before another voice, high and shrill like a child's, spoke.

_Are you our mommy?_

''Hell no,'' Jack grunted, throwing his hands in front of them and shaking his head, ''I'm not your mom.''

_Mommy_, more voices crooned, and the nightmares took slow steps to him.

''No!'' Jack snapped at them, making them stop and lift their heads up in surprise, ''I'm not your mom- why can't this staff work faster!?''

Bunny watched in apprehension as Jack tried chucking a few pieces of broken ice at them, but the staff was working too slow. And the broken ice bounced off the horses like boomerangs. Except Bunny's boomerangs would've disintegrated them completely.

''Hurry, Jack,'' Bunny whispered from the corners of his mouth.

''What do you think I'm doing!?'' Jack snapped and looked back frantically at the nightmares and telling them, ''Is it because Pitch used to wear a dress or som-''

They ran to him.

Jack dropped the staff and ran like hell in the opposite direction of the nightmares, not thinking in the slightest. The beasts writhed and snorted, running after him like dogs after a rabbit. Bunny stood where he was, mostly frozen, and out of all hope.

He couldn't get more embarrassed than this, he reassured himself, repeating. He couldn't get more-

''Well, well, well,'' a voice echoed throughout the flowery field, barely waiting for the last nightmare to run into the woods and after the former winter spirit before announcing itself.

_The hell, Destiny!?_ Bunny screamed in his head. That stupid bastard of a neutral spirit couldn't leave him alone.

Pitch buzzed into view, wings fluttering behind him. Bunny took a moment to envy his good, albeit very slow, control of the wings. How come the Boogeyman got to be better than him at the moment?

''Pitch,'' Bunny addressed him, puffing out his cheek to look more prideful. But frozen as he was, it did nothing.

''Here we go again,'' Pitch said, reminding Bunny of the last time he couldn't move and was at the mercy of the Boogeyman, chuckling a little and hovering above ground, tail feathers dragging across the half-frozen ground. Slightly, just barely noticeable, frost creeped up to the slick black feathers. The Boogeyman either didn't care or didn't notice.

''Rack off,'' Bunny growled, and hoped this time no one would spit at him. He added vehemently, ''Leave.''

Pitch then smiled, much to Bunny's slight surprise. ''Of course.''

He turned around and slowly made his way over the field. So slow, in fact, Bunny thought he was doing it on purpose. But the Boogeyman already moved slow as it was, Bunny thought it impossible it could go slower. And whatever the Boogeyman had wanted, he got it.

''Pitch!'' Bunny yelled, looking over his frozen shoulder. A moment later he added in a bitter defeat, ''Wait.''

The Boogeyman's wings twitched as he stopped, and he looked over his black feathered shoulder to gaze at the rabbit. The constant buzz of his massive iridescent wings filled the silence as neither moved nor spoke.

Bunny realized in anger that Pitch was waiting for him to speak.

Bunny sighed, brokenly, and lowered his head as if to hide from shame. ''I need you.''

Jack would return who knows when and might not even find the same spot in the woods again. And he couldn't simply wait for spring to come, not when it was mere November. The Boogeyman's smug smile made Bunny think the ice could possibly be melted by the sudden anger he felt in him, because if smugness were an unbreathable substance, the former Nightmare King would drown.

''Ready when you are,'' he said, excitement not unlike Tooth's coating his voice as he positioned himself in front of Bunny. For a moment, the White Pooka wondered briefly why Pitch used his wings more now, but dismissed it. He had a bigger fish to fry, and his body twitched at the thought of it.

He was too busy practically shaking in fury as he barely choked out the next words. ''I am... _sorry_.'' After that the rabbit sputtered and shook his head, like he was given a hard blow to his abdomen. Surely felt like it. He didn't even lift his head up to look at Pitch's expression.

''Ooooh,'' the Boogeyman breathed out, prolonging it, ''Why, Bunny baby, I accept it wholeheartedly.''

The White Pooka snarled, snapping his teeth forward, catching a glimpse of Pitch's wide, wide smile. The new Guardian of Memories leaned away, and chuckled, eyes shining so brightly that it could've blinded Bunny, were not Bunny already blinded by his rage.

The Boogeyman moved past the Pooka, and for one horrible, terrible moment Bunny thought Pitch would leave. That the former dark spirit tricked him, like he always did other spirits. That his false apology was in vain, and all the dirt eating was unnecessary because Destiny, damn her, let the two spirits meet again under more or less same circumstances.

But the Nightmare King merely reached down for the staff, and went up to Bunny and faced him head on. He put the staff on Bunny's shoulder and waited. Though surprised, the Pooka was secretly relieved, the two of them waiting for the staff to do its job like they were waiting in an elevator (all they needed now was music). Nevertheless, Pitch's wide, toothy grin at him as they waited for the ice to melt away was unnerving and Bunny just knew Pitch could've tricked him and left were it not more fun for him to watch Bunny's disdain at his grin.

The silence between them would've been awkward if Pitch didn't intend to keep staring at Bunny, and Bunny didn't look away, imagining at least a dozen ways of how to strangle someone with their own skin. It lasted twelve minutes and thirty-six seconds, and the Pooka was free. He almost kissed the ground, and he would have if the Boogeyman wasn't here.

He glanced at the said spirit in anger. ''What are you doing here anyway?''

''Once a day I have personally take out a tooth- None of your business!''

Bunny startled and raised his hands in defense, backing away, eyes wide at his outburst. Pitch stared at him with narrowed eyes, mouth in a sneer.

''Alright, alright, calm down,'' Bunny said, surprised a little more than necessary, ''Geesh.''

Pitch merely rubbed his temples, and said, ''I'm frustrated. Don't talk to me.''

Needless to say, Bunny was hopping away from there and gone before you could say cookie love. He only looked back once.

Pitch sighed out. He didn't visit Burgess for the stinkin' tooth. The Man in Moon was too slow to come.

He came to this wretched place of his defeat because he knew a spirit that would do things for a favor. And right now, he was in need of one.

* * *

**Don't forget to review :D**


	7. Part Two: Complications (MSW)

**Things get rough for our little spirits *snickers***

Pairing: N/A (will change)  
Genre: Humor, Parody  
Rating: T (for swearing, no smut)  
Word Count: 3,379

Chapter 7 - Part Two: Complications (MSW)

* * *

''So you should always watch over them- Sandy, leave that eggnog. The elves might get underfoot sometimes but usually- Don't touch that, please. You must just work continuously and you will be- Sandy!''

North slapped the cup out of the colored Sandy's hand, and Sandy watched it fall to the ground, its contents spilling across the floor. He frowned and looked to the red and black rabbit, whose nose merely twitched before he continued talking.

''As I was saying...''

_''You're rude, I can't wait for Bunny to spit poison in your eyes and chop yours off.''  
_

North stared at the small, colored Sandy, who had a normal little smile on his face. After a few moments however, that smile vanished.

_''Oh... I forgot you could hear me.''_

''Get away from me!'' a voice screamed, and North and Sandy turned around to the windows of his office, where in the distance on a few hills, he could see Jack - a black spot among all white - running. He tripped, then slid on his stomach down a hill. By the look of his horrified face, North and Sandy guessed that the black nightmares were not helping him, but the ones chasing their new master. Jack made swimming motions in the sand, failing miserably according to his high and scared whines.

North sighed, and looked to Sandy. ''So, where were we?''

Sandy grabbed his stomach and made a pirate expression.

''Right,'' North whispered, ''The Yeti. They are under your control, but you can't quite _completely_ order them, no? They're your friends, your helpers, your-''

A loud thump made North jump, and Sandy and he veered back to the window again. Jack's face stood plastered against the window, tongue out, eyes manic. A small 'help' escaped his parted lips, almost too quiet to hear, and then he slid down. Excruciatingly slow.

North and Sandy winced, but not more than when they flinched when the nightmares rode the air to the window and dived down where Jack was falling.

Both of them leaned forward, peering down. A scream made them hiss and move back.

''He'll be fine,'' North said, shaking his rabbit head. Sandy nodded slowly.

That's when unexpectedly Bunny walked into the room, panting. ''That Wind'' *pant* ''needs'' *pant* ''a good beating.''

_''Can't beat it, it's an elemental,'' _Sandy repeated Jack's words, widely smiling.

''Wait,'' North said, jumping up to Bunny, the two rabbits now gazing at each other. ''You learned to use Wind.''

''No,'' Bunny said, shaking miserably from the cold, ''I used one of the stolen globes Jack had. I found it in my fur, there's some seriously wrong things in there.''

''Blame it on yourself, Carrot,'' Jack said, standing at the entrance to the office, face overshadowed. Sandy gasped for emphasis, though it was dully noted. Bunny snorted, and North smiled uneasily at their youngest member.

''Ah, Jack, we were just about to go and help you-''

''Save your pitful lies,'' Jack interrupted him and walked up toward the window. He gave a narrowed look to Sandy, whose eyes widened and he looked away.

''Why are you two here?'' North asked, clearing his throat and changing the subject, scratching his throat uncomfortably.

Jack stared out the window, his presence suddenly... _darkening_ the room. The silence rang out throughout the office, and Bunny thought he heard the wind whistling against the window, creating the perfect atmosphere for a dramatic reveal.

Then Jack turned around and his surprised eyes landed on them. ''The hell am I supposed to know? I came for our planned tea party.''

''Pitch and Tooth are on the way,'' Bunny said, and Sandy and North looked to him. Jack merely spared a glance, crossing his arms, before turning to the window. ''The spirits know about us.''

''What?'' North uttered an automatic response.

''I met April today,'' Bunny whispered.

''Oh, the fool. What about her?'' Jack asked, and turned to Bunny again.

The white rabbit connected his eyes with Jack and frowned. ''She wasn't surprised to see me in this form.''

_''She wasn't?_'' Sandy asked.

''No,'' the new Guardian of Fun said, gesturing around with his paws, ''In fact, she seemed to have expected it. Even planned to make fun of it, I'm certain.''

''But we're the only ones that know. The fact that someone ravaged my home can't mean anyone knew about our weak state.'' North said, grasping his furry chin with his furry paw. The motion seemed uncomfortable now because of the claws, but for the sake of his past form, he didn't relent repeating it.

''Exactly,'' Bunny said, and looked around again, as if anyone might hear them. ''I was wondering if any one of you said to anyone. Or maybe was seen... Maybe this spell wasn't even Jack's fault. Maybe it was intentional.'' He turned to the former winter spirit for his reaction.

Jack had returned to staring out the window with his arms crossed, a thoughtful, dark expression overtaking his features. Outside, a small snowstorm blocked out the sun and made everything look like a rare night at the North Pole, all greyness and no white, all darkness and no light.

He couldn't help but to think there was something out there, behind the churning grey snow, waiting for them to slip.

* * *

''This better be good,'' Pitch grunted, shaking off his feathers and shivering almost uncontrollably. ''Give me that,'' he said and snatched a glass of eggnog from Sandy's hand.

The former Guardian of Dreams stood abruptly from his armchair, the glow of the fire accentuating all his colors and his anger at the former Boogeyman. He reached out to grasp his drink but Pitch was too tall, and the new Guardian of Memories merely put a foot out on Sandy, who tried reaching his legs. Sandman fumed and ran in place, trying to reach his legs, but the Boogeyman's foot stood firm on him as he stared at the far wall in boredom and sipped the eggnog.

North, Jack and Bunny were standing in their own spots in the Globe Room, waiting for Tooth. Sandy had said she was going to be late - he hadn't really taught her to be that fast. At least the snowstorm outside subsided, and whiteness shone through the windows. Plenty of hours before dark.

The crashing and bellowing of the yeti was the only thing that announced her arrival.

She arrived in a sand creation.

She spun around in the thing, blindingly fast, around the Globe. A sense of deja vu overpowered North - like the Sandman's airplane. The Guardians and Pitch watched on, the latter stopping his drinking to stare, and lowering his foot from Sandy's face.

When the former Guardian of Memories landed, the force of it was not enough to disintegrate her... airplane?... but enough to throw her out of it when it hit the ground. The force was too great, and she skidded across the floor, past the Guardians, and then stumbled.

Right into the fire.

Pitch raised an eyebrow as the four Guardians screamed in horror. They rushed forward to the fire, but the dream spirit was way ahead of them.

She burst out of the fire place, on fire, and ran to them. It was almost comical how all four halted to an abrupt stop, then fell, twisted and stumbled to get back. Jack and Bunny almost trampled North, then the three of them stepped over Sandy, each having a turn at stomping down on the small body that had the feel of a pillow. Needless to say, Sandy didn't immediately get up after that, though an unsaid 'why' was on his lips.

Pitch stared at the chaos in front of him, holding his drink, and followed the fiery golden ball as she darted from one side of the room to the other, strangely without a sound of pain.

When Bunny finally found an extinguisher, he put her out. Pitch took a sip of his eggnog.

Turned out, Tooth wasn't even in pain. She was _laughing_.

''Oh, my God!'' she screeched, rolling over on the floor in a roaring laughter, ''I couldn't help myself! I'm sorry!'' Even Pitch was mildly surprised.

_''You're no longer my friend,''_ Sandy said, still on the floor.

Jack rolled his eyes so far back, Pitch thought they would pierce his skull and escape into the hollow where his brain should be out of embarrassment. He savored the girly scream Jack released when Tooth came rushing at them for later.

Bunny gritted his teeth, then took some extinguisher cream and ate it subconsciously, looking around. ''Now that we're all here'' - his gaze landed on Tooth's creation - ''we can discuss- Tooth, the hell is that thing?''

Tooth stopped laughing and raised her head to the dream sand creation. When she made it - in a rush, really, she was falling out of the sky with a handful of teeth and she didn't want to lose them - she didn't really think about the shape of it. The shape was quite, positively inappropriate.

''Geesh, Tooth,'' Jack said, moving away from the sand, ''Disintegrate it. I don't think I'm supposed to be seeing this.''

''I knew you were more than cheers and childish sentences, but not really in this way,'' Pitch commented. He looked down at his empty cup in disdain. ''I could use some tequila.''

''Tooth,'' Bunny drawled, putting the extinguisher down when he realized in horror that he was eating it. ''We make toys for children here, for heaven's sake. Destroy it.''

But Tooth was staring at it with a tight-lipped expression. The teeth were in there. Her friends couldn't know she was collecting teeth despite agreeing that they would do the job their forms allowed. She just didn't trust Pitch. For all she knew, he could be ordering fairies to places there were no teeth, claiming to feel where they were, or, worst case scenario, giving them jobs then secretly destroying the teeth behind their backs.

''Don't be so perverse,'' she said, getting up and shrugging off some dead sand from her body. New sand came instantly and her appearance was shiny and glistening in no time. ''It looks like... a weirdy shaped vase to me.''

''A vase does not look like that,'' North said, coming into the room with a tray of cookies.

''Where did you go, I wonder,'' was the Boogeyman's comment on the disappearance of the former fairy. Pitch was shaking a frozen elf above his mug. Chocolates and treats fell from the small creature, and when the cup was full of it, he dropped the thing unceremoniously then strolled over to the fire. Careful not to burn himself, he heated the mug and waited for the contents to melt.

''Cookies. We're all hungry, ey?'' The former Guardian of Wonder said, eyes darting around for any sign of disbelief from his friends.

''So,'' Jack started, sparing a glance at Tooth, who was sparing a glance at Bunny's mouth smeared with something like whipped cream, and the rabbit was sparing a glance at the untoward shape of the dream creation. It was hard not to look at. ''Who did it?''

''Who did what?'' Tooth instantly asked, eyes going around everyone in the room. ''I didn't do anything. I wasn't doing anything at all. Did you do anything? Because I wasn't doing anything-''

''Okay! Tooth,'' Jack started. He gestured to Sandy. ''You?''

The Sandman shook his head. He still lay on the floor, but he was just resting. He thought his coat buttons (at least they were colored black so he could tell them apart from the 'coat') were starting to go back up from his back, where they had been savagely pushed.

''North?'' The thin, muscled rabbit shook his head as he took a bite out of a cookie. He winced and dropped the plate. Pieces of a broken snowglobe filled his mouth and he rushed to the dream creation to spit in it before Tooth could stop him.

As the new Guardian of Dreams rushed to the new Guardian of Hope to lean him back from her airplane-craft, Jack looked to Bunny. ''You have something,'' he said, and tapped his chin, ''There.''

''I didn't,'' Bunny hissed, wipping the cream on his white fur, since it made no difference. Jack took it as both denial that he didn't say their obvious secret to anyone and the denial that he was eating the extinguisher.

''I didn't either,'' Jack said, then tapped his foot in anger. They were getting nowhere again.

''Let's just check MSW,'' Tooth proposed nonchalantly, pushing North away from her creation, her back pressed against his chest. Thankfully, he didn't see anything but his own snowglobe on the golden sand, and he was still trying to wipe away the snowglobe taste. He didn't even know his snowglobes had a taste.

''What's MSW?'' Jack asked, crossing his arms. He gave Tooth a questioning look.

The atmosphere in the room froze.

Pitch took his eyes off his mug and turned to the Guardians, staring at Jack emotionlessly, the fire still licking at the sugar-filled object. Tooth stopped pushing, and slid down to the floor, though not taking her disbelieving eyes off the former winter sprite, whereas North forgot the taste of snowglobe in favor of looking at Jack with surprise. Bunny helped Sandy sit up, so that the two of them could stare in their own surprise as well.

The look they all gave him was worth taking a picture of. If any of them had a camera.

_''Oh, brother.'' _The voices in his head were no less appalled by the sentence.

''Are you saying you don't know the spirit world's most famous internet website!?'' Tooth incredulously asked. She exclaimed, ''My teeth and memories!'' Jack felt embarrassed just by the looks the Guardians were giving him. At least Pitch was kind enough to stay impassive.

Either that or he was just too shocked to react.

''Ugh, no,'' Jack lamely offered, ''What does it stand for?''

''My Spirit World!''

''Okay, no need to be that surprised, I just asked for a name,'' Jack skeptically said to Tooth, who instantly shook her head in even more surprise, scrunching her lips in more disbelief.

''That's the name, it's 'My Spirit World','' Tooth incredulously explained, and Jack thankfully nodded his head, like he realized. Tooth sighed in relief, along with the rest of their small posse, who also smiled to each other. Even Pitch returned back to his mug, which was almost ready.

That was until Jack said, ''I have no idea what that is.''

The gasps the Guardian's released were also worth recording.

Sandy silently put a hand to his mouth in utter shock, while North went rigid like a statue. Bunny's legs buckled beneath him, as if he would topple over Sandy that very moment, and Tooth would have fallen further to the floor, if it were not for North managing to help her up, and still stay rigid with wide eyes at the same time.

The only moving thing in the room was Pitch fainting. The mug shattered and its half-melted chocolate was perfect for the oncoming hoard of elves, who kicked at each other and licked it off the floor in a contest of whose tongue would get less burnt.

_A rush of craziness_, was all that Jack could think of. Little did he know that the craziness was only half their reactions.

''Do you know what My Space is?'' Tooth tried, finally standing almost steadily on her legs.

''Of course,'' Jack said, offended.

''Facebook?''

''Aha.''

''Twitter.''

''Yup.''

''YouTube.''

''Definitely.''

''Well,'' Tooth said, her face still in shock, ''Then you'll learn quite easily that My Spirit World is the merging of those for our world.'' Tooth unceremoniously turned around to walk to North's office to get the common laptop. One that North made himself, and it only took him twenty-five years.

''Dude,'' Bunny started, ''If I had known you're that behind Spirit World things, I would have made you an account myself.''

''Hey,'' Jack let out, ''I'm _not_ that behind.''

''Boy,'' Pitch interfered while he got up from the floor, ''Even _I_ know what MSW is. Heck, half of my nightmares had their own accounts.''

''Right?'' North also added, ''Even elves and yeti, da?''

''Okay, I get it, I get it,'' Jack raised his hands in defeat, ''I may am a little behind things. But it's not like there is a site where I can see all new things that just got in.''

''Actually,'' Pitch started, ''New Things Yo! is quite a useful site for that.''

''Ah, come on!'' Jack exclaimed at Pitch's and Guardians' serious expression.

A few minutes later, Tooth walked into the room with the laptop. The anxious spirits gathered around Tooth as she sat down on the floor.

''We'll get in my account first,'' Pitch stated matter-of-factly, before Sandy objected.

_''No, my account has more stuff in it,_'' he said, and pushed the Boogeyman out of the way, typing in his email address.

''No! I have more friends and better profile picture.'' Bunny kicked Sandy, who landed flat on his behind, and the Pooka deleted his email address.

''No, my account!'' North pushed his way through, and over the fallen sprits beneath, elbowing Bunny out of the way. It felt like he elbowed a marshmallow.

And that's when the Nightmare King jumped on the one with the computer, North, rabidly like an animal.

North snarled like one too, and really put an effort to shake, jumping on his fours like a bull, shaking his head with Pitch on top, who held on and growled all the way. Bunny got a start on Sandy, getting into a fight with him when the colored puff tried to use the distraction to start typing his password from the floor. Tooth, with the laptop still in her lap, sighed.

She rubbed her golden face with her hand, sighing again more exasperatedly. She typed in her email and password quickly and started looking through some new posts, grunts and yelps behind her too distant to take into consideration.

''Like that, comment that, oh April, like your new profile picture...'' she mumbled as the fight behind her went on. Jack walked up behind her and looked at what she was doing, sparing a small glance at the fighting quartet.

''So, any strange news?''

''Not from what I can see...''

Jack cocked an eyebrow. He looked over her back and shoulder to look at what she was searching. ''That's because you're looking at the newest Fall collection of jewelry.''

Tooth startled and quickly changed the website, typing in something else.

''Oh no,'' she whispered. Jack almost slammed his head against her back.

''Don't say that, it's never good when someone says 'oh no'. Why don't people say 'oh, yes' to signal that they've found something that doesn't necessarily mean bad... wait... never mind.''

''No, no, no,'' Tooth whispered, each 'no' higher and more urgent than the other. It attracted the attention of the battle behind her, which stopped shortly.

Jack's eyes widened. ''No,'' he whispered too, and grasped the laptop by its screen. ''Mother Nature's account...''

Quickly, though now less urgently than when Tooth expressed her surprise, Pitch, Bunny, Sandy and North piled around Tooth like she was the Earth's center, and the laptop was the start of their horror. Because beneath Mother Nature's account was the epic shock that couldn't compare to when they first woke up in their forms.

''NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!''

''Now I really need a tequila.''

* * *

**I do wonder if anyone can guess what they might have seen in her account xD**


End file.
